Why I Didn't Mind Sharing Mr Dollytub............

I wonder if you remember my story ages ago about

Mr Dollytub, Meeso, and her Three Sisters ?

If you don't want to read about them, in a nutshell..........

The late Mr Dollytub (alias Liam) and I didn't actually live together. We were partners for 8 years and I lived round the corner from him.

He had an imaginary friend, a little filipino girl named Meeso (surname Horny.)

He would have me in hysterics, pretending to be her when I 'phoned him or telling me outrageous stories about what they would get up to. (These weren't naughty tales, although he told me that Meeso sometimes had to call in reinforcements by way of her three equally obliging sisters!)

Here's an illustration of one of his tall stories. To add to the hilarity, please bear in mind that Liam was in his 50's, 5feet 4 inches tall, he was bald - oh and he had a moustache!

He acted out the stories, playing both parts, complete with the actions. The little Meeso voice he spoke in was disturbingly feminine!

So, the story begins.............................

LIAM: Ooh, that little Meeso, she's a right nuisance. There I was this morning, sat up in bed waiting for her to bring me my first cup of coffee. In she waltzes, short skirt nearly showing her "underneaths", wearing that lacy pinny she always wears.

At this point, he clears his throat to speak in his "Meeso" voice. When you picture this in your mind's eye, remember he is also doing all the actions! He has one hand on his hip, the other hand is posed as if carrying a tray. He is also swinging his hips!

Good morning, Mr Liam. I am bringing cup of coffee for my handsome big sexy boy.

(he tosses his imaginary hair!)

LIAM: For heaven's sake, Meeso! Just pass the coffee will yer, and less of the winking and flirting. I would also appreciate it if you would stop swinging your hips about the place - you're making a draught!

I so sorry, Mr Liam. When I see you every morning you are so gorgeous - I feel all loved-up. Shall I roll you a fag?

LIAM: Good idea! Don't roll it on your thighs this time, like those girls in Havana do with the cigars. Last time you did that, I was spitting body lotion for a week!

Whatever you say, Mr Liam. After I run the shower for you - we can play, yes?

LIAM: Look, Meeso, you're a lovely lass and all that. But I've got better things to do this morning than to be a-pleasuring you.

OK, Mr Liam. As always, I will clean the house from top to bottom, iron your newspaper and pop your slippers in the oven on low for later. Are you going round to Dollytub Cottage today to see that "north-end-of-town slapper?"

(meeso's name for ME!)

LIAM: Maybe later. First of all, I'm popping into town to buy a new quilt. All that fooling about with you and your sisters has made it go all lumpy.

Oh! What type of quilt are you buying?

LIAM: Duck down.

Then, replying as Meeso he did this........

Oh! What type of quilt are you buying?

Oh how that man could make me laugh.........oh how I miss him!

I'm going to see an Elvis Tribute, hopefully I'll remember my camera and be able to tell you all about it.

I'm not a big Elvis fan, but I went to see the chap who does it last year and he's very good. It's a great day out with my Big Brother and my Ickle Ditder. There's 15 of us going - hope the weather stays nice - I'll be wearing grown up clothes for a change!