Just in case there's any doubt why I'm so loopy.........

For many years, Mumsie worked in a local Baker's Shop.

There are many funny tales of her time there, here is just one of them.

(This isn't the tale about when a passing lorry whizzed round the corner so close to the shop front and Mum ran down the road after him shouting, "Aye up, STOP! You've got my letter "K" hanging from your ladder!)

No, this is an entirely different story..............

One of the first jobs of the day was to make up any orders that were in the diary. These were mainly for local pubs, restaurants, and meeting venues.

One of their regular orders was for the County Assembly Rooms just over the road from the shop. The Assembly Rooms had only recently re-opened following a refurbishment, so Mumsie being the nosey devil that she is, offered to pop over the road to deliver the tray of bread and cakes.

Of course, this was in the hope that the staff there would let her have a look around at the completed works.

She made the delivery, had a chat with the staff and asked,

"Will it be alright if I have a wander around before I go back to the shop? I'll let myself out."

"Yeah, sure." said the lady in charge.

Mumsie went into the Ballroom. Wow! she was duly impressed. She wandered around the other meeting rooms. To her disappointment some were locked.

It was usual that when Mum made the deliveries, she would enter through the back entrance to the kitchen, drop off the delivery and walk through to the front of the building, then lift the yale lock and let herself out of the front door and into the porch.

The porch door was generally left unlocked when someone was in the building.

Mum went out the front door - it slammed shut behind her. She tried to open the porch door to get out onto the street...................

OH, NO!!!!!

It was LOCKED!

Mum realised she was locked in the porch...........No use shouting out to the staff - this was a big building and the kitchen was the other side of four rooms.

Mumsie bent down, lifted the flap of the letterbox and called out

"Coooo-eeeeeeeeeee! Anybody there?"

There was a man walking past...................

He looked round, but then ignored her.

Then the hairdresser walked past............

She looked round........and also ignored her!

There was a very nice French lady walking past. (This is the tourist area of our fair city.)

She was over the other side of the road..........................

"Excuse me! Over here!" shouted Mum, waggling her hand through the flap.

The lady bent down, "Bonjour!"

"Bon Jaw to you too." said Mum. "I'm locked in."

The French lady scratched her head. "Comment?"

"I'M LOCKED IN" shouted Mum, thinking she would be better understood if she spoke louder.

(Why do old ladies do that?)

The lady shrugged her shoulders.

Mumsie is beginning to get a bit hysterical by now, and of all the things she could have done, she started giggling nervously at the futility of it all.

"Bonjour," said the French lady. She walked away, shaking her head in disbelief,

"You Eengleesh - so, so funny!"

Next a little girl who was running ahead of her Mum, came up to the door.

"Can you tell your Mummy, I'm stuck in here?" Mum pleaded.

"Mummy, there's a funny lady in that letterbox."

Her Mummy was obviously in a hurry and said ........

"Yes, Ducky - I'm sure there is. Come here and get in your pushchair."

By now, Mum was nearly frantic, and her back was aching from bending down.

She was also dying for a wee.

At that moment, who should she see, walking past on the other side of the road, but my sister's best friend.

"Adi!" Mum shouted.

Adi stopped and looked round.

She couldn't see where the shout was coming from.

Mum shouted again, "I'm over here in the Assembly Rooms porch."

Adi crossed the road and bent down at the letterbox................

apologies for this representation of Adi - it was the best I could do!

"Oooh Aunty Aud! What are you doing in there?"

"I'm locked in the porch. Can you nip round to the back door and get the staff to let me out?"

Adi did as she was told. Mum was released

Hurrah!

The Assembly Room staff thought it was hysterical. (and NEVER let her forget it!)

Mum went back to the Baker's.

"Where the heck have you been?" asked Mabel, Mum's colleague.

Between sobs and with legs wrapped round each other, (did I mention she wanted a wee?), she told Mabel what had happened.

"The worst bit," said Mum "was that people ignored me."

"I'm not surprised, you silly sod. Look!" said Mabel pointing to the calendar...............

"It's April Fool's Day!"

Inheriting genes like that - there's no wonder I'm crackers!