Well, duckies! As you can see - I'm fast disappearing under a flood of Basildon Bond and Churston Deckle.
Your problems keep on coming, so today I'm going to answer another poor bloggeroo who is at her wits' end.
This letter is from a lady who is constantly embarrassed by her husband. (I think MOST of us relate to that!)
Dear Aunt Susie,
Over the last few years my husband has been living on a diet of beer, pies, and fish and chips.
Needless to say, he is now very overweight.
What's more - he insists on wearing trousers that are about two sizes too small.
This has resulted in that horror of horrors - BUILDERS' BUM.
This problem is not just causing problems in our marriage, but also in the Car Park at Sainsbury's.
Yesterday, as hubby was bending down putting the shopping in the boot - several shoppers who saw his backside - tried to park their bikes there!
(Although, I must admit - I can see why they made this mistake.)
I suppose it wouldn't be so bad, if he ACTUALLY was a builder, but he's a plumber!
Also, because he has mushy peas with his fish and chips, he suffers with very smelly bottom burps too!
Please don't suggest a change in his diet. This man takes some training - it took me five years to get him to use a knife and fork.
I do hope that you can help.
Now, as luck would have it - my son is also a plumber. So, I wasted no time in 'phoning my daughter-in-law to ask how she deals with this problem. This is what she told me.............
Dear Mrs S-B,
Oh, my heart goes out to you, it really does. Many wives have to put up with terrible problem, but you are one of the lucky ones!
As your hubby is a plumber, no doubt he carries some duct tape in his kit.
Cut a strip about 12 inches long and apply as shown................
VOILA! Both problems cured in one go!
All the best,
Do you have a problem that you think I may be able to help with?
Let me know and I'll do my best.
Before those of you too young to remember Churston Deckle and send me an email, asking what it is.............
See - it's not an incurable illness - it's a type of writing paper!