Wednesday, August 25, 2010

And the problems keep on coming....................

Well, duckies! As you can see - I'm fast disappearing under a flood of Basildon Bond and Churston Deckle.

Your problems keep on coming, so today I'm going to answer another poor bloggeroo who is at her wits' end.

This letter is from a lady who is constantly embarrassed by her husband. (I think MOST of us relate to that!)

Dear Aunt Susie,

Over the last few years my husband has been living on a diet of beer, pies, and fish and chips.

Needless to say, he is now very overweight.

What's more - he insists on wearing trousers that are about two sizes too small.

This has resulted in that horror of horrors - BUILDERS' BUM.

This problem is not just causing problems in our marriage, but also in the Car Park at Sainsbury's.

Yesterday, as hubby was bending down putting the shopping in the boot - several shoppers who saw his backside - tried to park their bikes there!

(Although, I must admit - I can see why they made this mistake.)

I suppose it wouldn't be so bad, if he ACTUALLY was a builder, but he's a plumber!

Also, because he has mushy peas with his fish and chips, he suffers with very smelly bottom burps too!

Please don't suggest a change in his diet. This man takes some training - it took me five years to get him to use a knife and fork.

I do hope that you can help.

Yours sincerely

Mrs Seymour-Bumm

Now, as luck would have it - my son is also a plumber. So, I wasted no time in 'phoning my daughter-in-law to ask how she deals with this problem. This is what she told me.............

Dear Mrs S-B,

Oh, my heart goes out to you, it really does. Many wives have to put up with terrible problem, but you are one of the lucky ones!

As your hubby is a plumber, no doubt he carries some duct tape in his kit.

Cut a strip about 12 inches long and apply as shown................

VOILA! Both problems cured in one go!

All the best,
Aunt Susie


Do you have a problem that you think I may be able to help with?

Let me know and I'll do my best.

Before those of you too young to remember Churston Deckle and send me an email, asking what it is.............

See - it's not an incurable illness - it's a type of writing paper!


Menopausal musing said...

......... and there's me thinking "Churston Deckle" was a village in Cornwall.... eeeeeh! but you live and learn........ :O))))))))

Sue said...

I remember that writing paper, weren't the envelopes lined with tissue paper? Love the picture of the bloke with the taped up bum, magic!

Pink Feather Paradise said...

Now Basildon Bond I knew but Churston Deckle is a new one to me! lol

Do you think I would get arrested if I went around taping up offending crackage?
I would also be thrown in the clink for pulling up teenagers trousers and doing their belts up tighter and taking a pair of scissors to g strings that are purposely visable...

oh dear... I am getting old! lol

x Alex

ted and bunny said...

......... and there's me thinking "Churston Deckle" was a cheese!
A PAT ON THE BACK for such a fab post!

Sandi said...

Bum cracks hahaha, my first hubby was a plumber and yes the plumbers crack had to be shown......and back then he wore very short shorts so there was occasionally something else showing too...oh dear!!!!!
Now why didn't I think of gaffa tape?????

Hugs Sandi xx

Hesta Nesta said...

Love your post Sue, you always make me laugh out loud and everyone here at home wonders what I am reading!!
Jo xx

Autumn Mist said...

I'm giggling away here as usual, but I've never heard of Churston Deckle. I think people's suggestions on your comments are much more interesting than just a set of writing paper!

bad penny said...

My hubby uses duck tape a LOT ! Luckily he is still without builder's bum.
Mum was a bit of Basilildon Bond lady - now any old scrap does just as well ! She still writes letters & likes receiving them too - maybe she should be an Agony Aunt.