Monday, August 16, 2010

It's in the Stars........Get Your Free Horoscope

Ooooh, my dear bloggeroos, I'm so excited!

By now, I'm sure you've all realised I am a woman of many talents.

Even so, I am always eager to learn new skills.

These days, due to a health problem, I am unable to work.

I am drawing only a very small pension. I have even had to sell my collection of celebrity toenail clippings on eBay, (sorry son, I know I promised to leave them to you in my will, but needs must and all that.)

I toyed with the idea of standing under The Lincoln Stonebow with certain other ladies, offering my body to passing gentlemen, but I have to say I'm a bit past my sell by date, and 50p goes nowhere these days anyway.

(Have you seen the price of Tena Ladies lately?)

But never fear, my dear readers - I am always prepared to pull up my bootstraps and apply myself to bringing in extra money to fund my lavish lifestyle of cocoa, wagon wheels, and a pack of Golden Virginia.

I am speaking figuratively about pulling up my bootstraps, I can't physically do that - not with my back! But I am able to pull at the pompoms on my slippers, will that do?

Good grief, I'm waffling again, aren't I? Where was I?............oh yes, my idea for bringing in extra money.............

I was at the charity shop the other day and I found this book for 50p. (No, I'm not telling you where I got the 50p, but it didn't involve a bus ride to the Stonebow.)

I spent a whole 15 minutes reading this book, so obviously I am now a complete expert!

So I'm going to become a Fortune Teller - isn't that great?

For my next blogpost, I will be writing an introductory free horoscope.

I hope you will tell all your friends!

I am convinced that when you see how accurate my readings are - you will jump at the chance to buy a highly over-priced personal horoscope, and I'll then make a few quid.

Don't forget to pop back and see what the future holds in store for you!


Anonymous said...

My MIL used to read her horoscope daily & they all sounded alike. If they are read just for the fun-of-it it is o.k. but some live by them!!
Have a Great Week!

Sandi said...


Dear Mystical Sue

I am a Sagittarian, what do you see in the future for me.

Love this post.

Sandi xx

ted and bunny said...

oh this did make me laugh- and I love those slippers!

There's that old joke about the medium who got run over by a bus...she saw it coming but forgot to put out her arm...xx

Pink Feather Paradise said...

Oh goody... I could do with a guiding hand....

now lets see I use to be a Virgo well in the Daily Mirror I use to be a Virgo in the Western Daily Press I was a Leo.... born on the cusp apparently... however the papers seem to have gotten their act together and now I am definitely a Leo.... born on a sunday afternoon I think!

loving the slippers and I am not sure the blogging "rose tinted glasses" allow you to admit to being a smoker... not even a rolly making proper job smoker... I will check my book on that one... now here did I put that idiots guide to Blogging? .... @//(*_*)\\@

x Alex

bad penny said...

I can't wait ! When I was a teenager I had a job on Brighton Pier with the Horoscope machine !
I'm Aquarius - please write a good one - I need it believe me !

Nearly 50 and trying to be Frugal .... said...

I have just found your blog and I love it will follow you