Horoscope 2011 PART TWO

Hello, my dear Bloggeroos and welcome to PART TWO of your FREE Horoscope for 2011.

If you missed part one, you can find it here

So.............to carry on from where I left off..........

LEO

You will have a fantastic year for travel.

To minimise any delays, double check your reservations to avoid disappointment.

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VIRGO

Fate delivers a nasty blow when you visit relatives. They do not make you very welcome and you will decide to cut short your visit.

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LIBRA

You will be excited when a certain visitor agrees to pop in for Afternoon Tea.

Sadly, your joy will diminish when you realise that you sent the invitation to the wrong Time Dimension.

The First Dr Who

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SCORPIO

Your family will gladly support you when you decide to give up your Evening Cookery Course.

They are all happy to chip in for takeaways on a daily basis to save you the bother of cooking for them.

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SAGITTARIUS

You decide that the time has come to finally de-clutter.

You may go missing for a few days, but you will eventually be found by the milkman.

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and finally..........................

CAPRICORN

You will be spoiled for choice when you receive three marriage proposals from someone named "David"...........

David Tennant? a definite maybe.............

David Cassidy? Nah...!

David Essex?......wow! He's still got 'it'!

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I hope you will find your Horoscope accurate and that you find something positive to look forward to.

What star sign am I?

Capricorn of course!

I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!

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Don't miss my next post when you can read about my new ideas on Conspiracy Theories.

This has mainly come about since the Doctor has changed my medication and I received a very strange visitor.

It IS, of course, a COMPLETELY true story.

(very slow wink, tapping the side of my nose.)

Madame Suesue sees all........2011 PART ONE

Hello my dear Bloggeroos!

As promised, here is your horoscope for 2011.

A general prediction for the coming year......

There will be highs, there will be lows - but rest assured, each one of us will experience a year of both sh!t and strawberries.

Life's like that...................

AQUARIUS

This year you will finally decide to stop nipping out the back for a secret ciggie............

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PISCES

Your are amazed when one of your offspring finally decides their career path..............

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ARIES

You will finally master parking your car in a tight space........

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TAURUS

You could find out that your other half doesn't love you as much as you thought...........

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GEMINI

2011 is the year you will you will try to tackle your internet addiction...................

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CANCER

You begin to notice that your cat is getting a bit too big for her boots............

I'll be back with the remaining 6 star signs soon, so you won't forget to pop back, will you?

I've got to nip off now. My neighbour "Trace" has seen that the Sainsbury's van just pulled away from my house.

I wonder what she wants to "borrow" this time?

I'm Now Self-Certified..........in Astrology!

Before I begin with your FREE introductory horoscope, I would just like to thank you for your kind messages about the late Mr Dollytub and his imaginary friends. I so appreciate your feedback, and there will be more similar stories to come.

You may remember that in my last post I promised you all a FREE introductory horoscope, now that I have completed my studies.

Even though I spent a whole 15 minutes studying this wonderful science, I decided that as you're all such lovely people, I would cram in at least another 5 minutes honing my skills. (Nothing is too much trouble for my dear readers!)

Here we go then............................

CAPRICORN - The Goat

A well-meaning muppet will offer you advice. Remember what happened last time.

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AQUARIUS - The Water Carrier

Someone will put a red sock in the washing machine. Check that you have a supply of bleach to avoid your husband being embarrassed having to wear a pink shirt .

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PISCES - The Fishes

You will burn your mouth on a slice of pizza. This is an organised conspiracy by Bonjela to try to win more customers.

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ARIES - The Ram

When you go shopping today, you will be pleased that there are only 10 other customers in the store. Disappointment will follow when you discover they are ALL in the queue in front of you at the checkout.

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TAURUS - The Bull

You will feel compelled to be the Nutter on the Bus. You will sit next to someone you don't like and talk loudly about an embarrassing medical problem.

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GEMINI - The Twins

Feeling compelled to leave a lasting message for humanity, you 'phone BT Customer Services where your call will be recorded and used for training purposes.

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CANCER - The Crab

You have not been taking your vitamins and all your hair will fall out. Congratulations! You have discovered a cure for dandruff.

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LEO - The Lion

Today you will be amused when someone slips on some dog poo in the street. Remember to wear your Tena Lady.

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VIRGO - The Virgin

Your confidence will take a knock today when you wake up looking exactly like your passport photo and your child finds it amusing.

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LIBRA - The Scales

You will receive a email from a lovely Nigerian gentleman. Don't forget to send him your full bank account details, your mother's maiden name and your date of birth.

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SCORPIO - The Scorpion

Your child will steal the pen you were using to do your Sudoku puzzle. You will only pretend to be annoyed as you can't do the bl**dy thing anyway.

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SAGITTARIUS - The Archer

An everyday tale about country folk

Your home security will be breached when a burglar enters your house. When he sees the state of the place, he does all the housework and tidies up. You will feel so ashamed you will wish he stole the telly instead.

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I do hope you will comment on how accurate my readings are.

This is a FREE introductory offer, I am planning to offer highly overpriced personalised horoscopes, in the unlikely event that you will be mildly interested.

If no-one thinks my skills are worth paying over the odds for, be warned - if this scam doesn't work, I am planning on becoming an Agony Aunt.

With all my life's experiences, I think I'd be good at that, don't you?