I tell this tale in the hope that it will give you some idea of my family's ethos and culture. (Oooooh, don't I sound edukated today?)
The family Saturday Brunch takes place almost every weekend at my parent's house and is otherwise known as "Audrey's Party" (Audrey is Mumsie's name) . It is a source of joy and merriment. Their home is a haven of peace and tranqillity (but only when us lot aren't there.) We support each other in times of crisis and despondancy, we cheer each other up, we lend each other money, (Did I just hear a violin?) But for all that, we do love a good laugh at the expense of another family member.
So, following yesterday's crisis with my hairstyle, and the hairdresser being on honeymoon - I was not looking forward to facing the loopy loons this morning.
Oi! you there at the back sniggering. Stop it immediately!
I'll continue now if you've stopped giggling, you ingrates!
I purposely went later than usual. I had hoped that some of the Smart Mouths had already had their fill of cheese baps and wagon wheels and gone home.
No such luck!
DAD :"Ha ha ha! Do you want to take your hat off?"
(Why did I ever tell them about my dental trauma? see previous post)
ELDEST SON:"Who did this to you? Do you want me to beat them up?"
ICKLE DITDER:"Would you like to borrow my pashmina, it's got a hood? Ha ha ha!"
ME:"OK! OK! IT'S NOT FUNNY" I squeal into my mansize Kleenex. I continue through my sobs "YOU'RE NOT BIG AND YOU'RE NOT CLEVER"..........(That was a fib actually 'cos my eldest son is both!)
The nearest I got to any sympathy was when Mumsie cooed, : "Oh you poor dear would you like to hide in Dad's shed?"
DADDIO: "Steady on there, Manageress" (his pet name for Mum). "She can't go in there. The finches are nesting and the red factor canaries are still settling in."
BROTHER NUT: Now then Our Susie, buck up. It's not like a whacky hairstyle will harm your youthful good looks, that already happened years ago."
This is supposed to make me feel better?
He continued "I've always thought you such a plucky old girl. You're brave - you open letters from your Bank Manager, and perform other such daring deeds. You open the door to Jehovah's Witnesses and don't hide behind the sofa with the rest of us."
ICKLE DITDER: Would you feel better if you had a cuppa tea?
ME: (Wiping me nose on Mumsie's pinny,)Yeah that'd be great!
ICKLE DITDER: Oh well, in that case, I'll have one if you're making a brew.
BROTHER NUT: And me.
ELDEST SON: Go on then, you twisted me arm.
DADDIO: Did I hear someone's put the kettle on - I'm parched.
I'm standing in the corner where we make the tea, I have my back to them. Do they really think I can't hear them softly whistling "Send in the Clowns".