Close the Doors, They're Coming Through the Windows

I hate Sundays! I don't know why, I'm retired now so you'd think every day would be the same, but it's not.

Today was quite exciting in a way....................................

There was a letter in yesterday's post, although it had been posted through a neighbour's letterbox. (Postie obviously getting revenge on me since I reported him for being careless and squashing my pontentillas.)

Aye up, listen girls, this is quite exciting. The envelope looked very official, and I ripped it open in anticipation.



Dear Miss Dollytub,

RE: "Tena Lady (Super Absorbent) Pads"

Over the last few days the sales of the above product have reached an astronomical record high.

A spokesman for Sainsbury's said their stores had not been so busy since Jamie Oliver was on telly showing housewives what he could do with his sausage.

I decided to round up my lackies, to investigate the matter further. (I even had to contact Bill Scroat who was on honeymoon and had him pulled out at the very last minute!)

After a meeting with our industrial intelligence/tea making department, (a.k.a. Nellie and Flo,) it has come to my notice that this is due entirely due to your postings on Blogspot.

As a token of our appreciation, we would like to offer you FREE Tena (Super Absorbent) Pads for rest of you natural days.

If , at anytime in the future, you are looking for a financial sponsor to pay your gigantic phone/broadband bills, we would be grateful if you would give us first refusal.

Must dash, Nellie and Flo have now returned with the tea wagon.

Yours sincerely,

Major Wettam

CEO Tena Lady Inc

What do ya think of that then? Am I famous now, would you like my autograph?

Anyway, as you can see from today's pic, my hair looks ok now I've put a few curlers in.

I was really bored this afternoon, kicking my heels, wondering what to do with myself. Sweet old Mr D (God Rest His Soul) wouldn't like me to be moping about, so I was looking for something to amuse me.

One of his belongings I still have is his trusty old guitar. He was a brilliant guitarist and completely self taught. How hard can it be? (Bl**dy hard actually!)

Luckily I kept his music books too. There was one called "How to Get on Top of the Pops with only Three Chords".

That'll do me, I thought. Three hours, two beers and four hand rolled fags later, I was ready!

What to sing first................................

After a good look through the manuscripts I finally decided on............

1) Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer

2)I've Never Seen a Straight Banana

3)The Night We Did the Boom Boom by the Sea

along with a couple of other well known songs

I was just beginning the final chorus of "Oh Come Spread Your Jam on me Flip Flops", when there was a knock on the door.

TO BE CONTINUED................................