Monday, April 27, 2009

Close the Doors, They're Coming Through the Windows

I hate Sundays! I don't know why, I'm retired now so you'd think every day would be the same, but it's not.

Today was quite exciting in a way....................................

There was a letter in yesterday's post, although it had been posted through a neighbour's letterbox. (Postie obviously getting revenge on me since I reported him for being careless and squashing my pontentillas.)

Aye up, listen girls, this is quite exciting. The envelope looked very official, and I ripped it open in anticipation.

Dear Miss Dollytub,

RE: "Tena Lady (Super Absorbent) Pads"

Over the last few days the sales of the above product have reached an astronomical record high.

A spokesman for Sainsbury's said their stores had not been so busy since Jamie Oliver was on telly showing housewives what he could do with his sausage.

I decided to round up my lackies, to investigate the matter further. (I even had to contact Bill Scroat who was on honeymoon and had him pulled out at the very last minute!)

After a meeting with our industrial intelligence/tea making department, (a.k.a. Nellie and Flo,) it has come to my notice that this is due entirely due to your postings on Blogspot.

As a token of our appreciation, we would like to offer you FREE Tena (Super Absorbent) Pads for rest of you natural days.

If , at anytime in the future, you are looking for a financial sponsor to pay your gigantic phone/broadband bills, we would be grateful if you would give us first refusal.

Must dash, Nellie and Flo have now returned with the tea wagon.

Yours sincerely,

Major Wettam

CEO Tena Lady Inc

What do ya think of that then? Am I famous now, would you like my autograph?
Anyway, as you can see from today's pic, my hair looks ok now I've put a few curlers in.
I was really bored this afternoon, kicking my heels, wondering what to do with myself. Sweet old Mr D (God Rest His Soul) wouldn't like me to be moping about, so I was looking for something to amuse me.
One of his belongings I still have is his trusty old guitar. He was a brilliant guitarist and completely self taught. How hard can it be? (Bl**dy hard actually!)
Luckily I kept his music books too. There was one called "How to Get on Top of the Pops with only Three Chords".
That'll do me, I thought. Three hours, two beers and four hand rolled fags later, I was ready!
What to sing first................................
After a good look through the manuscripts I finally decided on............
1) Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer
2)I've Never Seen a Straight Banana
3)The Night We Did the Boom Boom by the Sea
along with a couple of other well known songs
I was just beginning the final chorus of "Oh Come Spread Your Jam on me Flip Flops", when there was a knock on the door.
TO BE CONTINUED................................


Debbie said...

Oh bloody hell ... must get to Sainsbugs ... I've run out of TLs ... now look what you've done Dolly .... where's the mop??????

Menopausal musing said...

Wonderful! x

Michael House said...

hahaha, how funny. that image is of me, I used it to indicate my need to diet I think on my nessienora blog! it is very versatile and comical.

angel said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA what a great post, i love it, so funny. :-)
I do believe we are of like mind, though not sure i have ever done a post about Tena lady's Yet.

Thanks for the Giggle.... well more of a belly laugh and trickle really.

Love and hugs honey. X x X

Off for a mooch round your blog.

Anonymous said...

Hi there, I was just wondering, do you know of anyone who is looking for a swap partner? I am longing to join in on this swapping lark, so any help you could give me would be greatly appriciated.

Thanks So Much
Melanie xx

Anonymous said...

once again you have not failed at making me laugh :-)

(must remember to not laugh so hard when I am aching or before I've been to the toilet... lol)

Rose XXX

Country Cottage Chic said...

We're going to have to all buy them if we keep laughing like this!

Mary Poppins said...

Ohooo how funny ;)

Thanks for the information on my link, think it is all working now :)

You have a super blog