You're Getting to be a Habit With Me, (with apologies to Mr Bing Crosby)

ELDEST SON: Have you found anything suitable to hide your new haircut. yet *Duchess?
* I acquired this nickname from my fellow shoppers in the Co-op, who think I'm "stuck up" ever since I went in to top up my "Lecky" (Electric top up card) whilst wearing a fur coat. Old Chivers my Valet had forgotten to collect my Pound Shop Pack-a-Mack from the Dry Cleaners.

ME: What about this?

ELDEST SON: Not really Duchess, have you got something a bit bigger?

It doesn't quite hide it.

ME: This one then?

ELDEST SON: Errr, No.

ME: I'm not going to find anything giving me more cover than this.

ELDEST SON: Stand back, let ME have a look in your Prada Trolley suitcase. AhA! just the thing - There you go sweet Mother of mine - perfect!

ME: You can be so cruel sometimes, d'yer know that! I've a good mind to change my Last Will and Testament and leave my prized collection of celebrity toe nail clippings to someone who'll appreciate them. Like your brother.

ELDEST SON: (With absolutely no emotion in his voice whatsoever) Oh dear how sad I'll never get over it.