Thursday, April 23, 2009

More Laundry Tips & A Fridge Too Far


Following on from yesterday's laundry tips..........................

TIP 3. After separating the light stuff from the dark stuff, check all pockets for loose change. Put one lot of washing in the machine, switch on and then go off to Bingo with the money you've found. (Please note: As far as I know Gala Bingo does not accept paper clips, bits of string or conkers.)

TIP 4. Always have a third pile of laundry. This will consist of those awful Hawaiin print shirts Hubby insists on wearing, your teenage sons t-shirts with very rude slogans on, and any far-too-revealing, skimpy tops that belong to any daughter under the age of 21. Wash these altogether on VERY HOT. This renders the offending garments completely unwearable with a bit of luck. If any item has not been ruined, repeat the process. Practice your look of apologetic horror in front of the mirror during the spin cycle.



HOW TO CHECK THE FRIDGE BEFORE GOING SHOPPING.

Before opening the fridge door, make sure you have an old floorcloth handy in case of any escaping fluids. (I do this ever since a particular day last Summer, when........ No, I won't go into the gorey details, but suffice to say my toenails have still not grown back!)

Once the fridge door is open, remove and discard any item growing fur, and also any milk cartons whose contents are no longer moving about.

Just a short note here about brown slime, this will be found in the salad drawer. This was once a lettuce - it is no longer fresh. (This is confirmed by distinct lack of the colour green or anything remotely resembling a leaf.)

It is at this point that I check any cans of lager, bottles of "Snowballs" etc. To make sure that the fridge is working correctly and keeping drinks cold enough drink at least one of the cans/bottles. Sometimes even after trying a can or two, I still need to satisfy myself that any drink my family needs is the correct temperature. (It's an awful job, but someone has to do it!)

You don't need to check orange juice. Your children will quaff this straight from the carton and swallow it so quickly, they won't know if it's cold or not.

Now you know what needs replacing from the supermarket. Don't forget to replace the beer and snowballs. Don't forget to take your own carrier bags. This not only earns you extra loyalty points, but if you use nice thick carriers, the neighbours won't be able to count how many beers you've bought. Right then, off you go................................

10 comments:

Menopausal musing said...

An absolute gem of a post! I found myself reading it in a clipped 1950's newsreader voice!! Incidentally, my son once announced in his early teens that we had stuff at the back of the 'fridge "with eyes on", so he had cleaned it while I was out. Bad, BAD mother.... x

This Vintage Life... said...

Hi Sue,
Thanks for visiting.
You've just reminded me of something I used to love...Snowballs! Very kitsch and retro now I guess. I also used to drink Babycham and think I was very sophisticated!
Deb x

Melanie said...

Love your laundry tips, the tip on offensive clothing is a good one!

http://melaniegalloway.info/

Melanie said...

I hope you dont mind, but I've added your blog onto my blogroll on my site.

Take Care
Melanie

Vintage Tea said...

Your posts and "tips" are great and amusing - keep them coming!

Victoria x

Rose Charles said...

are you sure you haven't been watching me?? lol

Fantastic! XXXX

Floss said...

Hi and thanks for visiting my blog! I've been chuckling about your post here all day, while I hung out my washing and now again that I have to bring it in!

Lace hearts said...

Oh, you have made me laugh. Thank you for your comment - wouldn't have found you otherwise. Snowballs really takes me back!!!

Curlew Country said...

Oh that's where I've been going so very worng - no floor cloth and nowhere near enough snowballs!

I've got huge tears of laughter running down my cheeks! Thanks so much.
Stephx

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