Thursday, April 30, 2009

I only Have Ice for You (with apologies to Mr Sinatra)

Hello there!, my chummy bloggeroos. Many, many thanks for your much appreciated comments and emails.

To be honest, I'm a bit fed up today.

Things never seem to happen as we want them to, do they?.

Take this evening for example. I've been mooching around the kitchen checking what jobs needed doing.

Not that I'm intending to do any of them. But when you're engaged in "Housework Avoidance, Advanced Level", it adds to the thrill if you've made a mental note of the actual chores you're avoiding.

I decided I would avoid two jobs - defrosting the freezer and mending the kitchen drawer.

(Oh the thrill of it all!)

I've sent a Love Letter to David Tennant, (be still my beating heart!) inviting him this evening for tea , (or if you live south of the Watford Gap "Supper".)
For those who don't know who David is, apart from having the sexiest smile in the whole of Christendom and plimsolls to match. Mr Tennant , or 'Darling' as I call him, is the best Dr Who that ever slayed a Dalek.

Here is what I wrote...........

There was a Special Offer today at Lidl's supermarket - all you can fit in your bloomers for a fiver. So hard to resist, and luckily for me - I was wearing a fresh pair with a re-enforced gusset.

They had such wondrous delights, including your favourite - Chocolate Macaroons, so come round to my place on Tuesday and I'll give you one.

For main course there's some leftover Shish Kebabs made with real Shish.

Don't park the Tardis on the verge, that woman over the road with all them kids, let Giles poo on the grass, (Giles is her dog by the way.)

I'm sick of her and I've told her that if she lets him do it again, that I'll tell all the neighbours about what I saw her doing in Lidl's Car Park.
She was standing there bold as brass, both hands down her Primark one-size-fits-all knickers.

She was dragging out her commestibles and shoving it into Waitrose bags and sticking it in her 4X4. Snobby Cow!

Love you lots

P.S. Don't forget to bring some "Hard as Nails."
P.P.S. You'll need this plus your sonic screwdriver to mend the front of my drawers.

I've been sooooo excited! I even decided to put on my second best underwear.

(You may remember what happened to my very best when I was cutting my own hair, see previous posts)

I had this beautiful set of underwear that I hadn't worn since my wedding in 1975 to the First Mr Dollytub, father of my 2 sons. I wasn't sure if all 7 pieces would fit.

Luckily for me they did. (I was even a lard arse back then.)

So I've been waiting and waiting and waiting. And waiting and waiting 'til I can't stay here much longer.

I never could stay propped up on elbows for very long. (The First Mr D will vouch for that)
I've just noticed I'm now suffering with "five o'clock shadow"*

*(Definition: Beard growth late in day: beard growth noticeable later in the day on a man/woman who shaved in the morning.)

I am so bored, I oughta do something, distract myself. Do a little job p'raps. I could maybe nip and trim me bush.

Oh, I know. I'll defrost the freezer whilst I'm waiting. Back in a few minutes, I need to set the hairdryer going around the edges first so I can open the freezer door.
EFFECTS: Cheesy music playing quietly in the background. (Please hold, your blog reading is important to us).....

Right then, that's got that little job started. Now, what was I going to tell you..................

Oh yes, I remember..............

I popped to see Mumsie and Daddio yesterday. What a pair!
Daddio was watching Michelle Mc Cool versus Gail Kim Mud Wrestling on WWE and he was wearing this snazzy little eye patch.

ME: What have you done to your eye Daddio, (I asked him in a concerned voice.)

DADDIO: Nothing. (Still engrossed in the telly.)

ME: What yer wearing it for then?

MUMSIE:Gone on then, tell her. You dozy old FFFFFElla.

DADDIO:The Manageress (aka Mum) reckons I'll go blind watching these young lasses writhing about in the mud.

ME: So why are you wearing the patch?

DADDIO: Well, I thought I'd just risk the one eye.

Oooh, must go. I just heard a clatter downstairs, I think it's David rattling me letter box.

Pop back tomorrow won't yer?


Anonymous said...

hee hee hee :-)

You know what else helps in the housework avoidance pleasure?
Write a list... this way you can visibly check off which ones you haven't done!

Mine now includes (to name but two of the ever increasing "to do" list):
- about 3 weeks worth of work shirts (no, not mine due to LACK of work lol - but there are enough left hanging in the cupboard to complete this week, so this can be put off until oooh monday night - good old bank holiday- and it's bound to rain over the weekend isn't?!)
-clearing out the death trap (aka kitchen cupboard with all the pans/trays/other cr-p you buy but never use and all falls out every time you want the one thing you DO use but seems to like living right at the back where you cant reach...)

Rose XXX

Anonymous said...

and i have missed out the word "ironing" which might make my list make sense ;-)

can I have a new brain please?

Rose XXX

Sue at Dollytub Cottage said...

Hi Rose, I have a cupboard like yours, I call it the "avalanche cupboard." Are you feeling better, sweetie?SueX

angel said...

Hahahahahahahaha, i just used a weeks worth of tena's on that post, you crack me up...... love love love it ....... oh and by the way, David was with me having a light supper, and i had him doing the outside lav, needed an new ball fingy in the bit where the water comes from.... oooh i dunno what its called, but he fixed it good and proper...:-)
He is coming back Tuesday for his afters... Oooh i am so LUCKY.....

our shabby cottage said...

Geez, this is hilarious stuff Sue, I'll be readin' some more now pet! Off I go...

Rubyred said...

Hey, Lovin your posts Miss Dollytub.Thanks for cheering me up on this wet and orrible day
Rachel x
p.s just noticed you're following me!