The First Cut is the Deepest

Good Afternoon my dear Bloggeroos. Can you help?

I'm looking for a dress, same style as the one above, I have a very good reason for wanting a garment with only one shoulder strap.

READ ON..............


When my hair gets to a certain length, it begins to misbehave. Doesn't look too bad on my profile pic. does it? That's because before the profile pic was taken, I'd "Done" my hair.

How do I accomplish this enormous feat of engineering?.................

Picture this if you will............. (Effects - fuzzy flashback sequence and Watch with Mother theme tune playing quietly in the background.) OMG! that memory was soooo scary. (Nips upstairs for a Valium)

Now, where was I going with this tale of woe? Oh yes, doing me 'air...............

Ever since I was 8 years old I have suffered from claustrophobia. This came on when my Ickle Didter* aged 3 locked me in a wardrobe. A story for another day, p'raps.

(*I had a speech impediment back then, read "Little Sister")

Because of my issues with enclosed spaces, I hate showers. Particularly any that have such a pathetic water flow, you have to run around under it to get wet. (I'm waffling again, aren't I?)

To avoid a panic attack, I wash my hair hanging upside down like a bat, leaning over the tub. (No. I can't kneel down. The side of the bath is too high.) I have very thick hair so this operation takes about 20 minutes. Because of my back, I then rise up slowly whilst at the same time, I walk backwards, right hand stretched behind me until I reach the loo and can plonk myself down. (Effects - beep beep beep wide load reversing.) I then sit there rubbing my back neck and legs saying "Oh dear me, that is a little sore" or a similar utterance. After a while my blood circulation is restored enough for me to stand.

Then comes the drying, (Oh Deep Joy!) I then spend a full hour trying to coax my barnet with my "Professional Style" straighteners. See profile pic for results. Since the pic was taken my hair had grown about 2 inches by this morning. I just couldn't be XarsX bothered to waste another hour of my life, so I thought I would let it dry naturally. BIG MISTAKE! Horror of Horrors it looked like this........











The last time I actually went out with it like this, was on a visit to the Dentist and he asked me if I would like to take my hat off, bloomin' cheek!
I suppose I should have gone to the hairdressers - but I've already told her where I'm going on holiday. so I decided to CUT IT MYSELF, I can hear your groans from here, but it really did seem like a good idea at the time.

Soooooo..................First I wet it, taped it straight with masking tape and picked up my very best wallpapering scissors. You're groaning again, aren't you?

Obviously I didn't want to get stray hairs on my Versace gown, so stood in front of the mirror in my Janet Reger underwear. Soooo, anyway - those scissors were damn sharp, and I must admit maybe I could have been more careful chopping of the locks near my left shoulder. So now........

Not only does my hair look a piggin' mess but...............

I've only one strap left on my very best bra!