Friday, April 24, 2009

The First Cut is the Deepest





Good Afternoon my dear Bloggeroos. Can you help?
I'm looking for a dress, same style as the one above, I have a very good reason for wanting a garment with only one shoulder strap.


READ ON..............


When my hair gets to a certain length, it begins to misbehave. Doesn't look too bad on my profile pic. does it? That's because before the profile pic was taken, I'd "Done" my hair.

How do I accomplish this enormous feat of engineering?.................

Picture this if you will............. (Effects - fuzzy flashback sequence and Watch with Mother theme tune playing quietly in the background.) OMG! that memory was soooo scary. (Nips upstairs for a Valium)

Now, where was I going with this tale of woe? Oh yes, doing me 'air...............

Ever since I was 8 years old I have suffered from claustrophobia. This came on when my Ickle Didter* aged 3 locked me in a wardrobe. A story for another day, p'raps.

(*I had a speech impediment back then, read "Little Sister")

Because of my issues with enclosed spaces, I hate showers. Particularly any that have such a pathetic water flow, you have to run around under it to get wet. (I'm waffling again, aren't I?)

To avoid a panic attack, I wash my hair hanging upside down like a bat, leaning over the tub. (No. I can't kneel down. The side of the bath is too high.) I have very thick hair so this operation takes about 20 minutes. Because of my back, I then rise up slowly whilst at the same time, I walk backwards, right hand stretched behind me until I reach the loo and can plonk myself down. (Effects - beep beep beep wide load reversing.) I then sit there rubbing my back neck and legs saying "Oh dear me, that is a little sore" or a similar utterance. After a while my blood circulation is restored enough for me to stand.

Then comes the drying, (Oh Deep Joy!) I then spend a full hour trying to coax my barnet with my "Professional Style" straighteners. See profile pic for results. Since the pic was taken my hair had grown about 2 inches by this morning. I just couldn't be XarsX bothered to waste another hour of my life, so I thought I would let it dry naturally. BIG MISTAKE! Horror of Horrors it looked like this........











The last time I actually went out with it like this, was on a visit to the Dentist and he asked me if I would like to take my hat off, bloomin' cheek!
I suppose I should have gone to the hairdressers - but I've already told her where I'm going on holiday. so I decided to CUT IT MYSELF, I can hear your groans from here, but it really did seem like a good idea at the time.

Soooooo..................First I wet it, taped it straight with masking tape and picked up my very best wallpapering scissors. You're groaning again, aren't you?

Obviously I didn't want to get stray hairs on my Versace gown, so stood in front of the mirror in my Janet Reger underwear. Soooo, anyway - those scissors were damn sharp, and I must admit maybe I could have been more careful chopping of the locks near my left shoulder. So now........

Not only does my hair look a piggin' mess but...............

I've only one strap left on my very best bra!

9 comments:

Rose Charles said...

rofl you never fail to make me giggle!

i always wash my hair in the bath cos I get these rather disconcerting chest pains when leaning over the bath!

That and my "shower" -read odd hose like contraption attached to my bath taps- only runs at two temperatures - boiling and freezing, which leads to a scalded scalp or frostbite...

one day i will have a house with plumbing that WORKS! ;-)

Rose XXX

Sue at Dollytub Cottage said...

I wouldn't mind so much, but my youngest son's a Plumber!SueX

BusyLizzie said...

Lurv yer blog! Thanx 4 visiting mine! Lizzie x

Country Cottage Chic said...

ROTFL! You do make me laugh! Love your blog!

Menopausal musing said...

Wonderful, just wonderful, a delight to read at the end of the working week! xxxx

Vintage to Victorian said...

Hi Sue

Thanks for joining my band of followers! I do love a long-winded story - and somehow I get the feeling there'll be plenty more on your blog!!

Sue x

Lavender hearts said...

Hi Sue,

Your hair sounds and looks identical to my mum's. She has super thick very coarse hair that's really hard to manage. Her hair looks the nicest when it's really short in a pixie cut with wax to give it texture.

Re bright colours I think we are all told via the media to have white walls and neutral colours, but I think that's all well and good for a show home. I intend on being here for at least 15 years and kind of think now I might as well go for it and have what I like.:-) I think it was quite refreshing to see Kirsty Allsopp picking a yellow bathroom suite. Do you watch her show?

Mrs Boho said...

ROFL: great blog!

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