I would like to relate the first part of Tale of the Friendship Cake
(A.K.A. "The Quatermass Experiment of Mount Street")
Yer know how there's a Celebrity "A" list and a Celebrity "B" list?
Their orange skin (no tanning salons in Lincoln then)
Their perfectly applied make up and manicure
Rayban Sunglasses perched on top of their elegantly coiffured "Big Hair"
Huge shoulder pads. (Power dressing to intimidate us non "A" Listers)
Perfectly dressed children. (i.e. Their socks actually matched, would you believe it?)
Their kids were called Sebastian, Tristram, Nigel, Abigail, or Arabella
They had double barrelled surnames
Their hubbies were Merchant Bankers (Cockney rhyming Slang?)
They parked their 4X4's across 2 parking spaces
They attended every PTA meeting
They organised the Cake Stalls for the School Fund Raising events
There were other cliques, of course, but I would barely reach the "F" list with my fluffy heel-trodden down carpet slippers, faded tabard pinny, and a roll-up ciggie stuck in me gob!
These women scared me, and I'm REALLY BRAVE!
( I'm even brave enough to use communal changing rooms at the local Swimming Pool.)
And so it was, that I made a decision to try to level things up a bit, and offer to make some cakes for the forthcoming "Bring and Buy Sale"
(Oh don't start groaning yet, you lot, cos there's worse to come)
My name is Sue, but these jumped up whatsernames always pronounced it
"Serr yue" to rhyme with DEW
She would do this to me every time.
What these Ladies didn't know that my friend Maggie had promised to bake one for me in exchange for a packet of Mint Thins and a ride on my 1960's Space Hopper.
(Now you can groan if you want to.)
"It's Alright But I Wouldn't Want To Live There".
(Now that's a bit of a misnomer there, because it's where I live now - oh, How the Mighty Have Fallen!)
Most cities in our green and pleasant land have an area like the one where Maggie lived.
Recognisable by the local Police presence walking up and down the neighbourhood in packs.
or at the very least, this............
How was I to know that she was going on holiday..................
TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW....................