No Flies on Me!

Hello my dear Bloggeroos!

I have now returned from my journey up North.

When I returned last week, I was just about to read through my mail, when I realised that there was an intruder in my living room...................

"Oh No! How awful!"

I hear you cry.............

Please don't worry, my dear friends.

I am a Woman of Substance.............

I have NO fear............

I always make sure I have my FIVE A DAY

(Gosh! This new medication is wonderful stuff!)

Luckily, I am trained in Self Defence and my late partner, Liam, left me his old Motorbiker's Leathers.

So, without further ado, I nipped round the back of the sofa and slipped them on..........

They were a bit tight........but I managed to slip them on over my Janet Reger silk undies by using some of my favourite moisturiser............

(Note to self: Cut down on those chocolate Waggon Wheels.)

I came out looking just like Cathy Gale in the Avengers.............

I did.......HONEST!

I ran across to the intruder, rolled up copy of Country Life in hand...................

............and I whacked him,

and whacked him,

and whacked him again.............

I looked down........................

There he was.........................

Lying dead..............

on me tufted Wilton....................

The only thing left to do now, is to dispose of the body.....................................

....................................

.............

I HATE spiders, don't you?

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Don't forget to leave a comment to be in the draw

for the free Cath Kidston Bag giveaway click on the link to enter.

Back soon!

Cath Kidston Giveaway! Free Tesco Bag!

Wooooooo............Hoooooooo................!

I have now achieved my ambition of

100 followers!

By way of celebration and to thank all of my dear Bloggeroos, I have a great giveaway.

THIS IS A GENUINE WORLDWIDE FREE GIVEAWAY.

The bag is a Cath Kidston Tesco Bag in blue Ottoman Rose design.

They are highly prized by Cath Kidston fans and were sold in 2008/2009.

This one is unused and complete with tags.

To enter this free giveaway, all you need to do is leave a comment on this and any subsequent posts. (One comment on each post, please.)

The winner will be picked at random, and the closing date is midnight (British Summer Time) Wednesday 10th August.

OVERSEAS ENTRIES WELCOME!

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Other news................

All our family had a lovely get together a few weeks ago at our usual venue complete with buffet and disco.

Toby is my great nephew, and he was a very good boy!

My youngest son Phil and his family came down from Darlington, and my niece Emily (Toby's aunty) and her family came up from Wiltshire.

(The family are VERY excited as Em, Scott and their boys are moving back to Lincoln in a couple of months.)

It was the first time the whole extended family had been together since Mum and Dad's 60th Wedding Anniversary in January.

It was also the first time some of us had met Emily's new baby, Jenson.

Jenson

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A few weeks ago, I left a comment on

Country Cottage Chic

Jayne is a very talented lady, and is well known to many of my fellow bloggers.

Jayne sent me some lovely handmade lavender bags - scrummy!

I am also happy to promote

13th August 2011, Rangeworthy Village Hall, BS37 7LZ

on her behalf.

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On the domestic front...................

You may remember that I had a plumbing problem. This has now been addressed, but it did make quite a few further problems.

As you can imagine, this has kept me busy lately!

I have now decided to replace my 1980's peach bathroom suite, it's like this one..............

It was in the Dollytub Cottage when I moved in 6 years ago.

I am having a 1940's style suite as the house was built in 1948.

No-one who knows me can believe that I might actually............

.....................

SPEND SOME MONEY!

At least my bed will now be a bit comfier.............

He! He! He!

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School Holidays are now imminent, and I'm off up north to spend some time with two of my grandchildren.

I'll be back in a while.

Don't forget to leave a comment to be included in the Cath Kidston Bag Giveaway!

Cath Kidston Bag - and the Winner is................

Thank you, my dear Bloggeroos for your entries into my recent giveaway.

Unfortunately, no-one guessed the correct answer.

Before you all start crying and wearing that upside down smile that you think makes you look cute.

I have decided to choose a winner for the Cath Kidston bag from ALL the comments from that day.

So I 'phoned Daddio and asked him to give me any number between 1 - 15.

DADDIO: 27

ME: No Dad, between one and fifteen.

DADDIO: Oh sorry, I thought you said one and fifty.

ME: Try again.

DADDIO: Number twelve.

NUMBER TWELVE COMMENT WAS MADE BY .......................

HAZEL AT THIS AND THAT

http://hazel-thisandthat.blogspot.com/

So Congratulations Hazel! Please email me with your surname and address.

The answer was Number 3:

"I once ran up the High Street with Jimmy Saville" was the untrue statement.

I did run alongside him, but along the Waterside. I was his 'Minder' for the day as part of my job.

In the 1990's I worked as a Promotions Co-ordinator for the Lincolnshire Echo.

Such an interesting and varied job. No two days were alike - I loved it so much, every day I actually looked forward to going to work!

Explanations of some of the TRUE statements:


1. I once met Willie Nelson in a lift. (He was visiting the Echo offices)

2. I sat on Santa's knee at age 33 - perk of the job as an Elf

(The Echo ran Santa Roadshows throughout the County)

4. I can't ride a bike.

5. I met Billy Fury in 1973. (This quite a long explanation, so I'll save this for a future post)

6. In the 1970's I was invited to Sunday Lunch at a friend's house. This was actually a Sales Party for some cookware. The guy selling the pans was Danish and his previous job was as a Trapeze Artist

7. I sat on Robbie William's toilet. A true statement, but I'll also save this for a future post.

8. I've been Centrepage Spread. -The Echo launched a new edition, I was dressed as "Erica - the Echo Clown". To promote the event there was a two page centre spread with pics of me delivering the new edition.

9. Engaged 4 times, married once. (We'll draw a veil across that one for now!)

10. I don't drink alcohol because of the medication I take.

ANYONE NOT WEARING A TENA LADY _ LOOK AWAY NOW!

GIGGLE OF THE DAY!

This story is completely true.............

Ickle Ditder (Little Sister age 48) had organised a night out for her and her colleagues.

She had bought herself some new perfume, Lulu by Guiness.

Now, I don't know if you're familiar with this scent, but it's lovely.

One of her workmates, a young lad in his 20's found it particularly appealing. So much so that all evening he kept standing next to her just so he could enjoy the aroma.

As the evening wore on, after a couple of pints, he tried to get even closer and started to nuzzle into her neck.

There was a live band playing and at exactly the same moment that the song ended, the silence in the room was broken by Ickle Ditder shouting at the top of her her voice.................

"For God's sake - Stop sniffing my LULU!"

Back tomorrow!

Part Four & LAST CALL FOR CATH KIDSTON GIVEAWAY!

Before we go on with the continuing saga of the Friendship Cake, a last call and a reminder of the giveaway I am doing for a Cath Kidston Tesco Shopper Bag. Entries by tomorrow, Tuesday 9 a.m.

Which one of the following statements is untrue:

1.I once met Country Singer Willie Nelson in a lift
2.I sat on Santa's knee when I was 33 years old
3.I ran up Lincoln High street with Jimmy Saville
4.I can't ride a bicycle
5.I met Billy Fury when I was 17 years old
6.I once had lunch with a Danish trapeze artist
7.I sat on Robbie William's toilet
8.I have had my photo on a Centre page spread
9.I have been engaged 4 times, but married only once
10.Except for Christmas Lunch and Weddings I never drink alcohol

Leave your guess number in comments, winner to be announced tomorrow. Be careful, the other 9 statements are true!

PART FOUR - THE QUATERMASS EXPERIMENT & THE FRIENDSHIP CAKES

Where were we?...............Ah yes, I remember

So...........Eldest Son had found me a paper bag for my hyperventilating. I'm calming down (a bit)

The phone rang, Mumsie said she was on her way round.

EFFECTS: Wonder Woman Theme Tune playing in the background.

Did I tell you Mumsie's my Hero?

Mumsie arrives on my doorstep, she had run all the way from 3 streets away.

As she stops, there is the noise of brakes screeching because behind her, she is dragging her trusty old shopping bag on wheels.

She has brought with her six mixing bowls, 17 cake tins, extra flour, dried fruit, 3lbs of best butter, half a bottle of brandy. (The brandy is for me.)

She also has her large wooden spoon. (The one with the "Go Faster" stripes.)

Within 20 minutes, Peace rules supreme!

So, Mumsie had rolled up her sleeves, emptied my freezer of all the out of date stuff, and has divided the Blob into workable sizes. She puts 3 lots of the Blob into the freezer as we realise it's one way to curtail its growth.

Mum shouts over the garden walls to all of me neighbours.

"We have an Emergency situation, please preheat your ovens to Gas mark 4 - NOW!"

A couple of points here...................

No-one says No to Mumsie, many have tried believe me.

If Mum had been partnered to Winston Churchill in 1939, the War would have been over by Christmas!

We managed to make and bake 6 cakes. We also discovered that the Blob also stopped growing when subjected to 140 degrees Centigrade.

We made an assortment - some with dried fruit, some plain, and some with buttercream.

Luckily I lived only four doors away from the school, so I loaded up the pushchair and delivered them to the PTA Commitee.

To say that the the "A" lister Mums were impressed would have been an understatement.

They made comments like:

"WOW!"

"WELL DONE!"

and

"What IS that she's wearing?"

I placed the cakes on the table, a proud lump in my throat and tears of joy in my eyes.

I had also taken a present for Felicity Understairs-Cupboard

I wonder if you can guess what it was?

Last time I saw her, she was in a very sorry state and had put on loads of weight from all that cake!

If I Knew You Were Coming, I'd Have Baked a Cake (with apologies to Miss Rosemary Clooney)

BEFORE YOU READ THIS TALE DON'T FORGET TO HAVE A GO IN MY COMPETITION TO WIN A CATH KIDSTON TESCO BAG ON MONDAY'S POSTING!

I would like to relate the first part of Tale of the Friendship Cake



(A.K.A. "The Quatermass Experiment of Mount Street")

(Effects - Fuzzy Flashback Scene, 1980's music playing quietly in the Background)

Yer know how there's a Celebrity "A" list and a Celebrity "B" list?

Well, have you ever noticed a similar phenonomen in the "Mums Who Gather at the School Gates" cliques?

(I have even heard these ladies referred to as the "Playground Mafia".)

And so it was, at my boys' infant school in 1986.

"A" List Mums - These were recognisable by.....................

Their orange skin (no tanning salons in Lincoln then)

Their perfectly applied make up and manicure

Rayban Sunglasses perched on top of their elegantly coiffured "Big Hair"

Huge shoulder pads. (Power dressing to intimidate us non "A" Listers)

Perfectly dressed children. (i.e. Their socks actually matched, would you believe it?)

Their kids were called Sebastian, Tristram, Nigel, Abigail, or Arabella

They had double barrelled surnames

Their hubbies were Merchant Bankers (Cockney rhyming Slang?)

They parked their 4X4's across 2 parking spaces

They attended every PTA meeting

They organised the Cake Stalls for the School Fund Raising events

I won't even bore you with the "B" listers, other than they were mainly aspiring "A" listers

but with bigger hair.

There were other cliques, of course, but I would barely reach the "F" list with my fluffy heel-trodden down carpet slippers, faded tabard pinny, and a roll-up ciggie stuck in me gob!

These women scared me, and I'm REALLY BRAVE!

( I'm even brave enough to use communal changing rooms at the local Swimming Pool.)

They would try to strike up a conversation with me, that started off,

"Sebastian's Violin Teacher said......." and then, after seeing me squirm with intimidation carried on

"Oh sorry, I forgot, your children only play the triangle and the marracas don't they?"

And so it was, that I made a decision to try to level things up a bit, and offer to make some cakes for the forthcoming "Bring and Buy Sale"

(Oh don't start groaning yet, you lot, cos there's worse to come)

My name is Sue, but these jumped up whatsernames always pronounced it

"Serr yue" to rhyme with DEW

"So then, Serr yue" says Felicity (Top Dog "A" Lister)

"are you going to make us something nice for the Cake Stall?"

She would do this to me every time.

Yer know - make me wriggle like a worm on the hook in front of everyone.

Then she would almost clap her hands in delight when I muttered, red faced, "I can't bake, sorry."

What these Ladies didn't know that my friend Maggie had promised to bake one for me in exchange for a packet of Mint Thins and a ride on my 1960's Space Hopper.

(What could possibly go wrong?)

(Now you can groan if you want to.)

And so it was that I, this intrepid explorer, found her way to Maggie's, on that side of our fair city, affectionately named ................

"It's Alright But I Wouldn't Want To Live There".

(Now that's a bit of a misnomer there, because it's where I live now - oh, How the Mighty Have Fallen!)

Most cities in our green and pleasant land have an area like the one where Maggie lived.

Recognisable by the local Police presence walking up and down the neighbourhood in packs.

These areas were also known as the place "Where the Kids bite the Dogs"

Of course, it's a VERY POSH area since I moved in, (Slow wink!)

I was sure that Maggie wouldn't let me down, and was hoping for something like this...........

or at the very least, this............

How was I to know that she was going on holiday..................

TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW....................

Sheik, Rattle 'n' Roll, (with apologies to Mr Bill Haley)

Now I have finally got all the sand out of my Yashmak, I will tell the tales about my recent holiday.

When Youngest Son invited me to go East with him and his family on a caravan holiday, I jumped at the chance.

However, as is often the case with my middle-aged brain, my imagination got the better of me.

"Oooh! Caravan," I thought. This conjured up such images of this....

And this.........

And, maybe a little bit of.............

and a few mouthfuls of this.........

What my son actually meant by Going East was in fact, East Yorkshire

was THIS.....

Which meant putting up with this.................

This...........

and plenty of this................

The place we stayed at had a Family Club Room, ooooh dear, loads of these............

As children will often behave themselves better for other people, a few of us families decided that we should do a Baby Swap. (Just for the evening!)

We put all of our babies' dummies, (pacifiers) into a hat, closed our eyes and took out a dummy. We were then allocated the child who said dummy belonged to.

Someone got confused, cos I ended up WITH HIM!

Don't forget to check back tomorrow!

HAVE YOU ENTERED MY COMPETITION FROM YESTERDAY ?

THE PRIZE IS A BRAND NEW WITH TAGS CATH KIDSTON TESCO BAG