Thursday, May 21, 2009

Let Me Entertain Loo! (Robbie Williams' Toilet)


Yes! Yes! Yes! I will tell the story of sitting on Robbie Williams toilet. I fear this tale may lead to disappointment, cos it's not nearly as hysterical as many of my stories.

The year was 2000 and I was working for Lincolnshire Tourism. The main part of my job was to promote our county by way of publications, organising competitions, and attending trade shows etc.

I've already mentioned that my job during the previous 10 years was as a Promotions Co-ordinator on our local newspaper. I could throw up a Marquee, rush a promo flag up a flag pole, and lay out a display table in 10 minutes flat. This made me first choice whenever Lincs Tourism attended promo events.

Two other attributes needed for this kind of work is:

Being able to survive on a diet of Hot Dogs, Soggy Chips, Roast Pork Rolls, and Bacon Butties

Being able to wait to go for a wee for at least 6 hours. (Now you know why my bladder's so well trained and no need for Tena Lady pads!)

The promotion business seems to have a sub-culture all of its own, and over the years I made many friends from all types of business, particularly in the local media.

There were journalists from rival newspapers.

Reporters and camera men from local radio and regional television.

I was fronting some event or other at the Newark Showground just outside Lincoln. I was taking a well earned break, and having a walk round when I bumped into the two lads from BBC Midlands.

They were standing outside a marquee. Inside there was the toilet shown below.

Robbie had donated the toilet when he was having his house renovated. The marquee was travelling all over the country, at various showsetc. Robbie fans could sit on it (with the lid down of course!) Each fan paid £1 and this was to go to charity.

There'd been a steady stream of fans all day, but wouldn't you know it - there were no takers when the TV boys wanted to start filming.

"Do us a favour Sue, I'm trying to drag a few folks over to make a queue, stand there a minute, will yer?"

"What, do I just stand here?"


So, he dragged a few more people and ran the camera for a couple of minutes.

"This is rubbish!" he said. "Let's do some inside."

So we followed them into the marquee. There were five young girls, plus me.

"Right, one of you lasses, sit on the toilet."

Each one stared up at the ceiling shuffling uncomfortably.

"Sue, show 'em what to do."

"I'm just showing them what do, right?"

"Er, yeah. 'Course."

So I sits on the toilet

"Right, girls!" I said "Nothing to it."

"Then what?" says the bravest of them.

So the interviewer says,

"Right, Sue. A dummy run, just to show 'em"

The interviewer shoves the mike up to me gob and asks,

"So, Sue. How long have you been a fan of Robbie's?"

I go all giggly, (I'm acting here)

"Oooooooh! Absolutely ages"

The interviewer says

"How does it feel?"

"Oooooh, lovely! I feel so close to him."

(I should get an Oscar for this)

"Great, Sue. Thanks, the girls have got the idea now, off you go!"

At the end of my shift, I drive to Mr Dollytub's house. I thought that it would be a great joke to kid him that I was the one that would be on the news.

"Stick the telly on," I says. "I want see how my interview went today."

"What interview?" says Mr D. So I told him I'd been filmed on Robbie's toilet. He wasn't convinced, "Yeah, right...."

The presenter says, "Well viewers, you may think that it's the young girls who are Robbie fans, but one of our team met one of his, er, more mature fans at Newark Showground earlier today."

I can feel the colour creeping up my neck, my face burning.

I've only been seeing Mr DT for a few months.........................He'll think I'm a right Loony

He stares at me, his jaw drops. His looks at the telly, looks back at me.

He said, "Yer know what?"

"What?", says I

"You're not right in the head, do yer know that?"

And he never mentioned it again.

On my next blog post I will tell you how I went "Halfway to Paradise" with Billy Fury.

(If you don't know who he is - your homework for tonight is to "google" him!)




Menopausal musing said...

How wonderful. Eeh!, but you've lived!!! (Bring on the Billy Fury one...).x

Debbie said...

Oh terrific ..... I can't help laugh when I think of Billy Fury coz I remember the Freddie Starr sketch when his arms just grew and grew and grew .... can't wait for that one Sue

Florence and Mary said...

How funny... something similar happened to my friends and I. We went along to a Boyzone signing for something to do in the holidays and there was a film crew there. We joined in all the girls screaming "We love you Ronan... Keith" etc but guess who ends up like crazed fan appearing on one of their videos - us!!!

Victoria xxx

Anonymous said...

that's funny :-)

Rose XXX

Country Cottage Chic said...

LOL! Very funny!

I'm glad you found me at my new blog & I'd love it if you could email me my old posts - maybe I can addthem there.
This is such a pain!!


Country Cottage Chic said...

Just to let you know that I have set up a new blog to replace my lost one at:

Hope to see you there soon!

angel said...

Chuffin Robbie Williams... haa.... i can beat him....... i snogged Bruce Springstein .... in front of about a million people.... [didnt sit on his lavvie though] bluegh .. ewww... and before you ask, no i AINT jellious.... *sticking tongue out*