Thursday, September 16, 2010

A Single Man's Guide to Marriage..............

or....................

Do you really know what you're letting yourself in for?

Well, dear bloggeroos, as you can see - once again I have received an absolute mountain of mail. (Honest!)

Here is a pic of me surrounded by all your letters.

Don't you think I have more than a passing resemblance to Marilyn Monroe since giving up the coco pops?


I received a heart rending letter from a young man. He is fast approaching his 30's and feels it's time for him to settle down and so he has asked for my advice on marriage.

Now, although I have only been married once - I have been engaged FOUR times. (Hehe - you think I'm joking?)

Nevertheless, I was married for 19 years and I have an excellent reference from my ex-hubby.

In my opinion, that makes me an expert! (Good grief! I have so many strings to my bow.)

Here we go, then.....................


Dear Mr Never-Dunnit,

Making the decision to take a wife should not be done lightly. There are many mysteries about the feminine gender, and so, I hope you will find the following advice useful.

This fact sheet is particularly useful




There are also some differences you need to be made aware of as regards to appearance.

The stunning beauty who steals your heart, will not make such an effort once she has you under her spell and signed you up for a joint bank account.

For instance, LEGS



Those lovely 'pins' that look so sexy in a pair of brand new 10 denier stockings, will no longer quicken your heartbeat when they are sporting a 3 day growth and fluffy slippers..........



What about those beautifully manicured 'tootsies'?




..........this is all an illusion, my friend.

After 3 months of marriage, this is what to expect.................



Sexy underwear?..............................



Well, I'm sorry to disappoint, but after a dozen whizzes round in the old Indesit 1200 - the support does tend to diminish somewhat..............



A terrible shame, but one of those facts of life your mother never told you about!

Many women have beautiful hair............................


Surprisingly, we ladies don't wake up with our hair looking like this.

It takes time and the trouble to look this good....................


I'm sure that I have now given a more balanced view on what to expect.

I DO hope that none of these little feminine secrets has changed your mind about looking for a wife.

After all, think of the benefits.

The main one of course, is having someone to come home to............................


I hope you find love soon!
Best wishes
Aunt Susie


I still have many more problems to answer, so do pop back soon!

6 comments:

delia hornbook said...

HA HA HA HA I love your blog it always makes me smile and laugh out loud. brilliant ;-))

vintage mum said...

Great one it cheered me up
:)

Autumn Mist said...

Well, if he still wants to get married after all that, good on him! And yes, you do scrub up surprisingly well for your age, don't you?!

Sandi said...

A very thoughtful post, I am sure he will be most pleased. I have a happy face on now hehe
xx Ssndi

KC'sCourt! said...

I love your blog, and I always come back for a second and third read! Especially when I need cheering up
Julie xxxxxxxxxx

bad penny said...

So true I'm afraid dear neverdunnit.... but you do grow to accept & indeed love these endearing qualities of woman.

Loving your outfit you are wearing to open your post xx