Sunday, September 19, 2010

Car Advice for the Single Woman...........






Thank you so much for your welcome comments on my previous post.

Today, I would like to give some practical advice for the single woman.


I received this letter recently from a poor woman who's husband has left her..............

Dear Aunt Susie,

I am at my wit's end. I got married recently and before the confetti had been swept away, my husband ran off with our next door neighbour.

I hope they'll be very happy together...............



My main concern is how to look after my car now that he's gone.

I know that you've lived alone for a while and I've been told that you're absolutely ace at coping with the single life.

Yours sincerely,
Millie Nomates

*********

Poor girl!

Here's a few hints and tips to keep you going............................

Your car needs water,


This is for the windscreen washers and radiator.

You also need oil,



I don't know where it goes in the car. If you break down, lift the car bonnet, and smear a little on your face.

Don't forget to put on your most helpless expression.

Before long, any man worth his salt will stop to help you.

What to do if your car won't start.................

1. Has it got petrol?



2. Is it your car? Cars aren't just defined by what colour they are. They also come in various sizes. Just because it's in Asda's Car Park, it's blue, and it's roughly in the area you parked doesn't mean it's yours. A dead giveaway that you're trying someone else's vehicle is that the key won't fit.

3. Have you disarmed the immobiliser.



****

This is NOT an immobiliser.........................



This is a wheel clamp. To get the clamp removed you will need.......

A credit card
A short skirt
Winning smile
..........or any combination of the three!

4. Is your starter motor sticking? If so, just tap it with a hammer.





(I don't know where it is either, but it makes me sound clever!)

5. Is the battery flat? Always keep a set of jump leads in your boot.




This will really impress the guys cluck-clucking round your car.

If you're still wearing the short skirt and winning smile, they will absolutely fall over each other to give you a jump...............



and, who knows? They may even start your car! (Oooooh norty me!)

I have some further car advice to give, so don't forget to pop back will you?

5 comments:

Lavender hearts said...

I love your posts!! :-) Very funny indeed!xx

Shabby Anne said...

Now I need to change my knickers!

BLONDEDESIGN said...

LOL! Love the post. Kx

Claire@AreWeNearlyThereYet said...

Love it!!! Fantastic, as always. xxx

Sandi said...

I think if I wore a short skirt I would scare them away hehe, but I wouldn't mind being jump started :)
xx