This picture is a representation of me about to take a bath. Not a very true representation, granted.
For a start, there's no mascara on the floor where I dropped the old Maybelline when I nearly poked my eye out.
This happened 'cos I was startled when the timer buzzed to tell me it was time to remove the Immac off my legs.
I don't know who they test these products on, but it wasn't long enough for my legs.
I rinsed it off and it still looked like I'd knelt in a pile of Brillo pads and they'd stuck there!
Apart from the depilatory disaster I'd been getting along fine and had just been adding the final touches to my new Cheryl Cole look.
I was sure that today was the day that my utter gorgeousness would be spotted by an undercover L'Oreal talent scout during my tussle in Sainsbury's deli aisle with the old biddies looking for the reduced items.
(Okay, okay, I know I look more like Old King Cole than Cheryl Cole, but this is MY story, remember.)
Where was I?.............................. Oh yes, me getting into the bath................
Or NOT getting in the bath, as is sometimes the case.
I'll explain, the thing is I have health issues.
I'm not talking about the three little pink pills I take each day to keep the men in white coats from carting me off to the "Peaceful little secure place the other side of town."
This is another problem, it's called Fibromyalgia (FMS) and it affects my joints. (It also affects my thought processes, but you'd already guessed that one, right?)
I won't bore you with the details, particularly as many people with FMS are much more disabled with it than I am.
So...........back to my bathing habits.
The main problem for me is that on my worst days my joints become hypersensitive to temperature, so that when my skin is wet it feels much colder than it is and this causes discomfort.
I can also be a bit weak in the knees, making it difficult to get out of the bath.
(Not the same'weak in the knees' I feel when David Tennant pops round to clean out me gutters and trim me lawn.)
I really, really try not to let it beat me, although I'm not always successful! It sometimes needs a novel approach when dealing with practical matters.
I found the solution by way of a bath seat, not the mechanical type my Mumsie has, it's basically a board that sits across the top of the bath.
Oh, here we are, I've found a piccie!
So, I run the bath, get on the seat, and wash and dry myself a bit at a time so that the skin around my joints only stays wets for a few seconds.
I was having a particularly bad day and was just beginning my ritual. Hollie, my 4 year old granddaughter came into the bathroom.
So she sat on the toilet lid swinging her legs and watched me with great interest.
Now, this cute little girl is full of imagination, so can sometimes say things that, how can I put this ........well they're not exactly true.
So when she said, "We do that at Nursery," I murmured absent mindedly, "Oh do you?"
She jumped off the loo and said she was going downstairs to find her daddy.
I finished getting dressed and went downstairs.
"Mum, what were you doing?" asked Phil, my son
"I was having a bath," I replied
"Hollie said that you were doing the Hokey Cokey like they do at Nursery."
I raised my eyebrows.
"You must stop making up these stories, Hollie!" said Phil
Her little eyes filled up and she said,
"Nanny was doing the Hokey Cokey! She put her right leg in, her right leg out."
The reason I remembered this little story is because of this I saw on a tshirt today..........................