I'm Hot Stuff - Don't ya know!

Gosh! Didn't we have scorching weather last week in the UK?

I don't remember sweating like that since I chased after the Mayor dressed as a Victorian Prostitute.

(It was the Mayor's Carnival, 1992, I'd fallen off the lorry, and had to chase it 300 yards up Lincoln High Street before the driver realised and stopped for me to get back on! Oh Happy Days!)

Where was I? errrr...... Oh yes, the weather last week.

It seemed no matter what I did I just couldn't cool down.

First of all, I stripped down to my underwear...........................

Nope - still didn't cool down.

And thirsty?..........................................I felt like I had a hedgehog on my tongue!

I grabbed a large bottle of Tropicana, and slurped the lot.

Nope! Still too hot!..........................

Then I had an idea................. I ran over to the freezer, lifted the lid, and plunged me arms almost down to the bottom.

I grabbed a bag of frozen peas and began to rub them all over my steaming body. At this moment, two things happened.........................

Firstly, the bag of peas split and tumbled all over the floor......................

and secondly, there was a tap on my shoulder..............................

There was a man standing there!.................................................

"Excuse me, Madam. But would please leave the store............NOW!"

I picked up my clothes of the shop floor and headed embarrassingly towards the exit.

There was a young lad about 12 years old, he picked up a handful of the frozen peas and ran after me.

He dropped the peas down the back of my (ginormous) knickers.

"What did you do that for?" I demanded,

He grinned cheekily, and said, "Well, Missus..................................

Back to shopping at Sainsbury's it is then!