Conspiracy Theory? PART ONE

There's no denying it.....there are some things in life that defy explanation...........

Why was there a breeze on the flag of the moon landings?

Who shot JFK?

Is Elvis actually dead?

Do I really give a toss?

To tell the truth, until just recently, I'd never given it any thought.

Why hadn't I?

Simple.............,

I'm far too self-obsessed, that's why.

But............

........after recent events, I realise there are much more important things to think about.

More crucial considerations to take into account,

other than checking out which letters Crosse & Blackwell

have put in my tins of Alphabet Soup.

(I find it soooo good for the vowels!)

There are other phenomenon to explain too...........

What about the hole in the ozone layer?

Does it really exist?

We already have positive proof of Global Warming...........

And what about the people who worked at Smith's Crisps in the 60's?

Those well loved folk who put all those little blue bags of salt

in the packets of plain crisps?

Are they dead?

Did they get beamed to another planet?

Did they all retire like my Auntie Moo?

(She worked there putting in the salt. She had a special badge and everything!)

Auntie Moo's Special Badge

As a matter of fact, Moo put her old one in my Christmas stocking.

How much do these badges fetch on Ebay?

(runs off to check.......)

(Wow! ......That much?.......... Thanks Moo!)

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Anyway, I have decided to attune myself more to the Human Race.

I will embrace the concepts of carbon footprints, eco-warrioring.............

I promise to keep my emissions down to a minimum. (Can I say that on here?)

I will begin to "look at the bigger picture."...............

..............I will become a Child of the Universe..............

................Take stock of where our race is heading to.........

so sorry, I couldn't resist!

So, what has happened recently (other than a change in my medication) to bring about this shift in consciousness?

Something so incredible, I can hardly believe it myself!

Well, it's a very long story..............

...........my cocoa's gone cold.........................

................and my tablets are wearing off..................

(But, you guessed that last one, right?)

So, unfortunately you will have to pop back soon to read what happened,

when I had a very strange visitor land outside Dollytub Cottage, last week.

..........to be continued............

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In the meantime to read more about my eccentric Auntie Moo click here & here

Horoscope 2011 PART TWO

Hello, my dear Bloggeroos and welcome to PART TWO of your FREE Horoscope for 2011.

If you missed part one, you can find it here

So.............to carry on from where I left off..........

LEO

You will have a fantastic year for travel.

To minimise any delays, double check your reservations to avoid disappointment.

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VIRGO

Fate delivers a nasty blow when you visit relatives. They do not make you very welcome and you will decide to cut short your visit.

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LIBRA

You will be excited when a certain visitor agrees to pop in for Afternoon Tea.

Sadly, your joy will diminish when you realise that you sent the invitation to the wrong Time Dimension.

The First Dr Who

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SCORPIO

Your family will gladly support you when you decide to give up your Evening Cookery Course.

They are all happy to chip in for takeaways on a daily basis to save you the bother of cooking for them.

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SAGITTARIUS

You decide that the time has come to finally de-clutter.

You may go missing for a few days, but you will eventually be found by the milkman.

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and finally..........................

CAPRICORN

You will be spoiled for choice when you receive three marriage proposals from someone named "David"...........

David Tennant? a definite maybe.............

David Cassidy? Nah...!

David Essex?......wow! He's still got 'it'!

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I hope you will find your Horoscope accurate and that you find something positive to look forward to.

What star sign am I?

Capricorn of course!

I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!

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Don't miss my next post when you can read about my new ideas on Conspiracy Theories.

This has mainly come about since the Doctor has changed my medication and I received a very strange visitor.

It IS, of course, a COMPLETELY true story.

(very slow wink, tapping the side of my nose.)

Madame Suesue sees all........2011 PART ONE

Hello my dear Bloggeroos!

As promised, here is your horoscope for 2011.

A general prediction for the coming year......

There will be highs, there will be lows - but rest assured, each one of us will experience a year of both sh!t and strawberries.

Life's like that...................

AQUARIUS

This year you will finally decide to stop nipping out the back for a secret ciggie............

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PISCES

Your are amazed when one of your offspring finally decides their career path..............

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ARIES

You will finally master parking your car in a tight space........

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TAURUS

You could find out that your other half doesn't love you as much as you thought...........

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GEMINI

2011 is the year you will you will try to tackle your internet addiction...................

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CANCER

You begin to notice that your cat is getting a bit too big for her boots............

I'll be back with the remaining 6 star signs soon, so you won't forget to pop back, will you?

I've got to nip off now. My neighbour "Trace" has seen that the Sainsbury's van just pulled away from my house.

I wonder what she wants to "borrow" this time?

Once more into the breach.......................

Did you all have wonderful time over the festive period?

I did. Santa was very kind to me this year.............

I MUST have been VERY good!

I just popped online as I wanted to share this hilarious cartoon with you all.

I'll be popping on from time to time, but I have a very busy coupla weeks.

I always like to take a little time to reassess my life on the eve of another New Year.

I go around the house making notes of jobs that need doing. (I must organise some new guttering.)

I will also need to contact another builder regarding taking out the wall between my kitchen and dining room. I've given up on the previous bloke - he didn't even bother to give me a written quote. (And there's me thinking there's a recession and he would be grateful for the job!)

I've decided to wait 'til the better weather gets here, though. I can't be doing with no back door or french windows at this time of year.

I also like to give my finances the once over.

Which reminds me, I must go and pay some cash into the bank - my mattress is getting SO uncomfortable! He! He! He!

You may remember that a while ago I did an intensive course in astrology, so I will be back soon with a 2011 horoscope for all the star signs.

Nothing is TOO much trouble for my dear Bloggeroos!

So don't forget to pop back and see what the New Year has in store for you!

Ready for Christmas Yet?.................

Well, my dear Bloggeroos, I don't know about you, but I've been sooooooo busy........and not just with Christmas!

We had one of our usual family parties, Disco, Buffet, Karaoke last weekend. It was my brother's birthday - what a great evening we had!

My youngest son and his family were here for the Party and stayed at Dollytub Cottage for the weekend too.

I notice that eldest son had put on his facebook yesterday

"Only one more sleep 'til the end of term!"

We know that, Ali - but get a grip -You're the TEACHER!

So grandchildren have been babysat, played with and cuddled.

Mince Pies have been baked.

(I'm not here for Christmas, but chances are my neighbour will soon be over to borrow some - she borrows everything else from my pantry!)

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A FEW HINTS AND TIPS IF YOU HAVE VISITORS FOR CHRISTMAS...........

1) Make sure you have enough chairs

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2) Do you have plenty of beer? We're okay..........

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3) Have you chosen age-appropriate gifts?

A Barbie for Granny?

or perhaps........................?

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4) Remember to use tact and diplomacy with visitors at all times

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5) Don't forget to look after your pets,

..............exercise..............

................not too much stress.....................

and don't forget to include them in the fun......................

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6) Make sure you cater for any special diets...................

...............

................and speaking of food..............

....................be extra careful when dealing with leftovers............

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........saved food can be NASTY!!!!!

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7) Prepare the turkey in plenty of time

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I'm sure you'll have a lovely Christmas!

Thank you to all my Bloggeroos for your shared friendship over the last year

You have no idea how much I appreciate your help and support

Friends help one another

I LOVE YOU ALL! (ooops! that'll be the meds kicking in.)

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Before I go, a few seasonal jokes for your enjoyment........................

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I may be away from t'internet for a coupla weeks, but I'll see you in the New Year.

I'm just popping out to Asda's.

I think I need to change the headphones I bought for my son..................

Not quite what he had in mind?

A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!