Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Another Day in Paradise?........................







Are you nostalgic for times gone by?

Do you yearn to be an old style housewife?

Are you sure?




Do you REALLY want to go back in time to live as a retro woman, and all that entails?

............to a time when.....................

........there were NO automatic washing machines.........

..........we had freezing cold bedrooms.......................

...............and children still suffered from polio and rickets?



Now, my dear Bloggeroos, you know that some of the things I tell you are tall tales.

I tell stories usually based on fact.

BUT............................

I write them with my tongue firmly in my cheek.








I just put a 'Dollytub Cottage spin' on them.

Not today.

When I was in the attic recently, I found a load of old books.

What follows is from a school text book and is ABSOLUTELY TRUE.

(Although I added the photo's. he, he, he!)

.........................................................


HOW TO PLEASE YOUR HUSBAND

When retiring to the bedroom, prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible.

Whilst feminine hygiene is the upmost importance, your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom as he would his morning train.










But remember to look your best when going to bed.

Try to achieve a look that is welcoming, without being obvious.............




If you need to apply face cream or hair rollers, wait until he is asleep.

This can be quite shocking to a man last thing at night.





When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband, it is important to remember your marriage vows, and in particular, your commitment to obey him.




If he feels the need to sleep immediately, then so be it. In all things be led by your husband's wishes.

Do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy.







Should your husband suggest congress, (yes! it really says 'congress'), then agree humbly, all the while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is more important than a woman's.

When he reaches his moment of fulfilment, (yes! it says that, too), a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had.



sorry, I couldn't resist!




Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices, be obedient and complying, but register any reluctance by remaining silent.













It is likely that your husband will then fall asleep promptly......................








.............so adjust your clothing, and freshen up and apply your night time face cream and hair products.........................






You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning.

This will enable you to have his morning cuppa ready for him when he awakes.





!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


When do you think this book was published?.................

.......................the 1930's?....................

........................the 1940's?....................

......................the 1950's then?.........

The book was printed in................................




So, ladies, see how far we have come in just a couple of generations.


My Mum and Dad have been married nearly SIXTY years,

so I asked Mumsie if she thought it was a true reflection of a 1960's housewife...............

....................................

Firstly, she laughed her head off............




..............then she said.........(her usual reply if you ask her a silly question)...........



"Don't talk so soddin' soft!"


I wished I never asked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8 comments:

Jille said...

So that's where I have been going wrong!
Jille x

Taz said...

Just what I was thinking - now i know where I went wrong!
Ah well at least now I don't have to worry I'm doing anything wrong and just do my own things :) LOL

I remember my Mum telling me when she was first married (in 1963) she used to get up at 5am to make my Dad's breakfast!! I told her she was mad there was no chance I'd have done that for mine. But then Mum and Dad were married up until he popped his clogs and I'm now on my own. LOL

Autumn Mist said...

Blimey O'Reilley, I am speechless. My, how far we've come!

Sue said...

Had a good chuckle reading that while I wasn't sitting here with my mouth open in shock.

Attila said...

Did you say that was a SCHOOL book????

Menopausal musing said...

Hilarious!

VintageWantsNotNeeds said...

I do all that and more - NOT.... and I have been married for 36 years so must be doing something right - now then let me just go and warm his slipper sup in the oven - TOAST ANYONE!!!

Sandi said...

Is that why my marriages didn't last, oh my I'm too much of a rebel I'm afraid xxx Sandi