Friday, July 23, 2010

Auntie Moo's Audacious Shopping Expedition!



My Mumsie has a little sister. Her real name is Muriel. She's a spinster in her seventies and nearly everyone calls her "Auntie Moo".

When I say she's my Mum's little sister, I use the term loosely. Although very slightly shorter than Mum - she is considerably wider.

Sadly she was born with no dress sense whatsoever, and can usually be found walking up Lincoln High Street in her orange and purple swirl-design cardy over her cerise crimpelene dress, swinging her psychedelic walking stick.

(Crikey, haven't my family got S-T-Y-L-E?)

We love her to bits. She is a generous soul and remembers everyone's birthday. However, not only does she not have any dress sense, she is also very DAFT!

She visits Mum and Dad each Friday. As Auntie Moo lives south of the City, the journey entails two bus rides. The first bus takes her into the City Centre, so before catching the second bus, she likes to do a bit of shopping.

You won't believe some of the stuff she buys!

A couple of years ago, she turned up at my parents' house, swinging a couple of carrier bags.......................

MUM: What's in the bags, Moo?

AUNTIE MOO: Just a couple of bits for my holiday.

Auntie Moo goes all over the British Isles on various Bus Trips. No matter where she goes - it always seems to end up either raining or really windy.

MUM: (Rolling her eyes.) Show us what you've bought then!

AUNTIE MOO: I've got a pair of goolies in this bag.

MUM: A pair of WHAT?!!!

AUNTIE MOO: Goolies. Here, look in the bag...............




Mum looked inside the bag.

Inside she saw..................................................






and this........................................




MUM: You silly sod, our Moo! They're called "Kagools", Moo, "KAGOOLS"!

But it was the second carrier bag that made Mum even more worried. Moo had bought something from.........................................





Mum hardly dare look in the bag. Inside there was a pair of black crotchless tights!

MUM: What have you bought these for?

AUNTIE MOO: I thought they'd be cooler during this hot weather.

MUM: But you only wear black tights on a Sunday.

AUNTIE MOO: So?

MUM: Well I hope you don't get run over on the way to the Citadel. Goodness knows what the Captain would say if he knew you were wearing them under your uniform...................





This is a TRUE story - you couldn't make up stuff like this!


6 comments:

Sandi said...

Awww, I love your family and all the funny quirks that goes with them.
Sandi x

Sal said...

My mum is called Muriel.
She hates ,loathes and detests her name..always has. Her best friend used to call her 'Moo' as well.
I don't think it's such a bad name though,although she has always says that when she was a little girl she hated her name as it was so 'not little girl'!
;-)

Jille said...

I am going to look out for Aunty Moo next time i am in Lincoln
Jille x

KC'sCourt! said...

Your Auntie Moo sounds a really lovely lady.
Julie xxxxx

Autumn Mist said...

Oh God, sobbing wth laughter as usual. Btw, it was all about Lincoln on Radio 2 yesterday, about a level crossing in the town centre where they leave the barrier down for 20 minutes at a time. I was thinking of you (but now I'm thinking of your Auntie Moo!)

sitting oh so pretty said...

LOL!!Love it!!! Poor Aunt Moo..she sounds quite trendy to me..not sure about the crotchless tights though ha!!!Brilliant..love your family....I want them all round for tea!!!xxx