Many years ago, I worked in the offices of Sunblest Bakeries.
One of my tasks was to check the paperwork of the delivery drivers.
They were allowed to claim back charges for returns, damaged goods, and wholesale discounts to any shops they delivered to.
It was my job to check and make sure that all claims were genuine.
Oh, they were a naughty lot sometimes and would submit some really cheeky claims.
I got one once that was claiming £1.20 because he'd been late back from his deliveries and his wife had to get a taxi to the dentists!
One day there was a claim from one of the chaps had submitted, it read.........
Replacement for small sliced loaf - HANDBAG TYPE"
I went down into the canteen and shouted across to him,
"Hey, Steve. Can I see you before you go home?"
He nodded taking another bite from his bacon buttie.
Ten minutes later he popped his head round the door to my office.
"Was it about that claim for the loaf?" he asked.
"I don't understand your claim - HANDBAG type. What's that mean?"
"Hang on, I'll fetch it." he said.
He came back with a loaf like this.........................
What a great description this was! The phrase even became part of our office vocabulary.
I must have heard all sorts of tall tales accounting for missing stock. (For instance, one day a customer's dog had jumped into the back of the bread van and ate some fairy cakes!)
Some of the claims were at my discretion, so you can imagine how nice they were to me!
I always tried to be fair, and was never swayed. No matter how much chocolate or packets of Spangles they left on my desk, if they couldn't prove it or get their Manager's signature - I didn't allow it.
Pete had just finished his first week with us and when he came in to collect his paperwork from me, he put one apple and one orange on my desk.
Every single Friday without fail, he left them on my desk.
One particular Friday afternoon, two of the lads Dave and Bob came in for their paperwork.
DAVE: "Why do you always have an apple and an orange on your desk every Friday?"
ME: "Pete gives them to me."
DAVE: Yeah, but why is it always an apple and an orange?
ME: I don't know.
BOB: I do, it's because he's heard you've got a "nice pear" and the other fruits are to go with it.
ME: Oh, you cheeky devil!