This is a long post, so you may want to get yourself a cuppa and a biscuit.
Whatever you think I mean by the title of this post, you're wrong.
I'm talking about jugs.
I collect them.
Any jugs - I love them all.
Whenever I buy one, sell one, dust one or move one - I smile.
Read on, I'm getting there, after this little bit of back story.
Some of you know that my partner, Liam is no longer with us.
He died in November 2008 and is now at the Giant Car Boot Sale that is (hopefully) in Heaven.
His nickname for me was "Swamp", (Don't ask!)
The reason I smile is because I am reminded of one of the many daft and hilarious things that always seemed to happen when Liam and I were together.
(Sorry to ramble on, this is still a bit of back story.)
He loved to make people laugh. He'd been an entertainer.
Mostly singing and playing guitar, but between his songs he also liked to have a bit of a laugh with his audience.
Where was I?............... oh yeah, the funny story.
One day, I bought a pack of heavy duty suction hooks to use in my bathroom.
"Will you be using all of these Swamp, or can I have a couple for my house?" he asked.
(Although we were partners for 8 years, we didn't live together.)
"Yeah, of course you can. Take some when you go back to your house after tea." I told him.
After tea, he went round to his house to put the heating on and look through his huge collection of DVDs and choose something for our forthcoming evening's viewing.
I went round to him later after I'd finished my ebay listings.
He'd forgotten to take the hooks, so I popped a couple in my handbag.
"Your hooks, kind Sir," I said passing them to him.
He took them off me and left the room.
I called after him "Where are you? Shall I start the DVD?"
"I'm just trying one of these hooks." he shouted.
Liam walked back into the room.
"Well?" he asked.
He had stuck one of the hooks to his forehead!
I hit him with a pillow, "You're not right in the head."
We both fell together laughing like hyenas.
The hook was still there.
"I dread to think what you did with other one is. Where is it?" I asked.
"On the bathroom wall," he said,"Do they hold much?"
"Yeah, they're really good."
He left the room again, "I'll just check."
He came back in.
This time he had found a tiny milk jug
- it was hanging.......................
from the hook............................
on his forehead!
I laughed so much, I couldn't breathe. I truly knew what it was to literally roll on the floor laughing.
He decided to take it off. He lifted off the jug and set it down carefully.
He pulled the hook..............
He it pulled again...........
Nothing - It was stuck!
By now, I was crying, both in horror and amusement.
I took a closer look. I picked up a teaspoon.
I eased it around the edge of the hook.
PLOP! Hurrah free at last.
It left a huge, huge lump on his forehead.
Still tittering to ourselves, we started the DVD.
The film started.
I turned away to get a tissue from my handbag.
Liam giggled again and asked "Aye up Swamp. Has Jean Claude Van Damme been to your house today?"
"No, why?" I asked.
He looked in the mirror, then he looked over at the telly screen...................
"I wonder where he got his hook from then."
PART TWO TO FOLLOW ..........................................(Yeah, there really IS a Part two!)