Saturday, November 6, 2010

Some Days Even I'm Under a Cloud............

You know me.........sunny disposition, never let the b******s grind me down.

I carry my optimism and cheerfulness like a banner before me.

Wherever I go people wave at me, they shout after me, "Aye up, Sue! Howya doin'?"

(Admittedly some also shout "Go home you loony!" and "Have you forgotten to take your medication today?")

But today is a particularly sad day for me.

Today, I don't feel like being cheerful.

Two years ago today, the bottom fell out of my world.

Liam, my much loved partner, lost his battle with cancer. He was 54.

Before we became partners in 2000, we had been friends for 30 years. People often asked us why we had taken so long to fall in love with each other.

Liam 1970 just before we first met

Liam and I often wondered that ourselves, and discussed it on numerous occasions.

Quite simply, by the time we fell in love, we had both matured. We had grown up.

We had both lived through various life experiences that had given us an inner strength that neither of us possessed in our younger years. It had taken all of that - for us to become compatible!

Liam and me Summer 2001

We had eight very happy years together, and I miss him terribly. But I have such lovely memories of our time together.

Many of you have read about our escapades in previous posts.

We were always laughing!

Since his death, neighbours have remarked that they used to hear us giggling walking down the street in the evenings. They always assumed we were on our way home from the pub! The truth is neither of us touched alcohol.

Liam was only diagnosed 4 months before his death. We both had some savings and I asked him if there was anywhere he would like to go before he died.

He told me that he wanted to be where he had spent the happiest years of his life.

"Do you want to go back to Texas?" I asked him. (He had lived there in the early 1980's.)

Liam in Texas 1983

He said, "No, you daft bugger. I want to be here with you, business as usual."

Liam 14th March 1954 - 6th November 2008

I saw this quote the other day. It's about unconditional love.

'The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them'.
Thomas Merton.

I wasn't sure whether to post this or not, but I think I just needed to.

In my next post, I will show you the inventions I've come up with in my lab!


A Blessed Life said...

Hi Sweetie,I still have my hubby of 40 years but somehow I feel your pain of loss for you.It is great for the soul to write our thoughts and reflections,I have heard people say that to have a small amount of time with your true love and have known that bliss is far more of a blessing than 20 years of just exsisting with someone.I feel this is what you had a most blissful time with your soul heart person,what a happy time you must have had and what an amazing honour that his choice of place to be was just with you.Bless you and thank you for sharing your lovely memories of your precious love with Liam,there is a season and a time and if you had gotten together all those years ago it may not have been so.Have a lovely day today and be kind to yourself.Carole xx

winnibriggs said...

Sue..Thinking of you and sending you huge hugs. Thanks for taking the time in your cloudy day to share your thoughts with us.
Looking forward to some more daft articles soon!
Jenny x

Sandi said...

I echo the words of the above girls and thank you for sharing your love for your mate with us, and I hope that each passing year lessens the pain and increases the joy in the memories you have.
Take care xx Sandi

bad penny said...

I'm glad you posted this because it is beautiful and a fitting tribute to Liam.
Thinking of you today x

Rose H (UK) said...

It's good that you can share your sad day with us. What a lovely tribute to Liam, I know you must carry him in your heart each day. You obviously have joyus memories of times shared.
Rose H

delia hornbook said...

Hi Sue,

What a beautiful, post. I was so very sorry to hear of your loss. Memories are so very precious and the beauty of them is there always with us no matter where we go. You and Liam shared such wonderful happy times together and he will always be with you through your dreams, and wonderful thoughts and memories. thank you for sharing. Hugs Dee x

Chrissie said...

Brave and sad post, I hope your wonderful memories fill the emptiness. I can quite see why Liam loved you, too!

saracarol81 said...

I follow your blog and it has lifted my on many occasions so i thank you for that, i have lit two little tea lights for you after reading your post and wish you all good things x

Menopausal musing said...

Oh Sue............ what a sad time for you. You clearly adored each other and you found that at least for a while. Some people search all their lives and dont...... Looking foward to some cheerier posts when you feel like it.

A Treasured Past said...

Oh Sue, so sad for your loss, but thankful that you shared such a wonderful time with somebody so special to you. Thinking of you and Liam, Tamara x

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue,

I think you are amazing to cope with something like that.
I have never been a huge romantic (and even reached point that I didn't think I would ever find anyone who "got" me and that I was interested in spending the rest of my life with. But now I have found Chris I don't know how I would exist if he wasn't around.

You are also amazing for being so upbeat and bubbly (although I appreciate that sometimes being like this is the only way to get through and sticking two fingers up to the world!). In fact you are just amazing in general, and funny too :-) I have given you an award today, but haven't pressed the post button yet (give me two mins lol).

Rose XXX

Taz said...

Big BIG ((((((hugs)))))