Monday, January 18, 2010

Finally - I'm Back!!!!

So.................where have I been? Truthfully? I've been to Hell and back, that's about all I can say about my long absence.

Forgive my levity around issues of mental health problems, but humour has always been my way of trying to make sense of the world and some of the SH*T we have to cope with at times. Some folks use drugs, alcohol, chocolate or any combination of the three.

Me? I try to laugh out loud at the world, wave my arms about wildly and shout, "OK LIFE - JUST BRING IT ON!"

Unfortunately, sometime around May last year, life well and truly "brought it on." You may remember that my life partner Liam died of cancer a few weeks before I started blogging, and, for a while at least, the distraction of writing held back the floodwaters that would eventually surface. One morning, I woke up and everything just seemed so cold and black. I felt stunned, saddened and completely bereft. I was forced to face the horrendous reality that my life will never be the same again, and I now have to try and discover who this "new me" is and find ways to propel me forward into my future.

I've always been a "glass half full" kind of a girl, but bereavement managed to completely knock me for six, and shook me to the core. If you've never experienced bereavement, try imagining it and then times that feeling by ten. This will give a good idea on the impact that the death of a loved one has on your life.

Sooooooo.........................anyway, enough of that now! The tablets are working and each day I feel a little brighter. I intend to stay as upbeat as possible, examine my small daily pleasures, and thank God for all the people and wonderful moments I do still have around me.

No more so 'til today. What has brought me so much closer to my "usual up-and-atem" self.

Jayden Michael Smith, that's who. "Never heard of him!" I hear you cry. Hang on and I'll tell you!

Jayden is my new grandson, my third grandchild. And so, here I stand, honouring the Circle of Life that forever opens up before us. I realise that just because Liam is no longer with me, there's no reason why I cant still wear my love for him around me as an armour against the knocks of the world.
I do hope that now I'm back you'll stay with me. I promise to only be positive on here after today, and I will tell you some more hilarious tales of derring-do about my life. In the meantime, you will make sure you have your Tenna Lady pads at hand won't you?

Before I go.................I just couldn't resist this. Liam would have found this very funny!

LIAM, so popular but unfortunately no longer availaable

Jayden Michael


MelMel said...

Life can be total pants....
My Brother died in May last year....the shock of watching him pass away before my eyes....knocked me for six....
I can well understand your need to find a way thru with humour holding your hand....cos some days are harder than others...



Floss said...

No one could say it better than MelMel, but I just have to add that it's good to see you back and thanks for letting us know what's been going on for you these last months.

Thinking of you,


Lalabibaby said...

So good to have you back with us Sue .... missed that wonderful sense of humour of yours but can fully understand your absence. x

BusyLizzie said...

you have been missed.Take care, Lizzie xxx

Mandy said...

sending you a big hug xxx

elegancemaison said...

How wonderful to see you back! I was only thinking of you last night - how weird. I was looking through the list of blogs I follow and yet again checked yours and wondered whether the attack of 'Gormy Ruttles' had been fatal and your blog was destined to remain forever unattended, floating like an atom in space through time immemorial. Or until Blogging became defunct.

From personal experience I do understand how you have been feeling just as I know how hard it is to keep up the effort to keep on going. To have come back on here is very brave and I admire you. I also want to encourage you to continue to write about your life and feelings - especially, though not necessarily, with humour ( but you are very good at that!) Thank you for posting again - I shall sleep sounder tonight for that. (and pleeeeeeeeeese more about Billy Fury very soon?)And BTW - Jayden is a handsome lad - not unlike his step-grandfather if I may be so bold!

Who Lives in a house like this? said...

OH Sue I was talking about you today with a friend how funny is that! Saying you were the first friend to join my blog list and the last time you posted was 6 months ago! I did e-mail you a couple of times, as you said in the last few of your postings that you didn't feel great so it's such a relief to see you back in blogland! I am so sorry to hear you have been so down, but I'm very pleased for you with your new grandson! Best wishes Jason Xx

Menopausal musing said...

Well HELLO! Lovely to see you again. Like everyone else, I was wondering what had happened to you. Congratulations on your new family member, and hope to read more of your hilarious exploits.

Sue at Dollytub Cottage said...

Thank you so much. I feel very humble and your kind words inspire me. I missed all of you too. I've scheduled some more posts that will pop up over the next few days, have your Tena Lady at the ready!

Country Cottage Chic said...

It's lovely to see you back and posting once more. Life does throw challenges at us doesn't it & good for you for fighting back.

Congratulations on the sweet new addition to the family!


Lace hearts said...

Just catching up with some of the blogs I used to visit more regularly, and I sorry to read about the time you've been through. Sometimes there are just no answers, and the resultant kickback is intense. I'm pleased to see you posting again.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sue,

I haven't been blogging much the past month or so myself, so had missed that you were back. I am so pleased to read that you are ok, as I was very worried when you disappeared so suddenly from the virtual world of the web!

Having been a sufferer of depression myself (and a drug & alcohol user/coper in my past - seems a lifetime ago now) I am so sorry to hear you have been having a hard time, but very pleased that you are on the mend now :-) Some will never understand the darkness of depression, and will scoff at the idea of medication they see as handed out "like sweets" nowadays, but I have needed them to survive in the past, and know that as you grow stronger you will be able to cope without them, and you will one day no longer need the support they are giving you right now.

I hope 2010 is a much better year for you, and I look forward to hearing lots more or your fabulous stories :-)

Rose XXX