Sunday, August 21, 2011

Beauty and the Yeast..........PART ONE



Hello my dear Bloggeroos!


I know that I promised a tale about my recent endeavour into the world of ........................

Breadmaking!

Now, before I tell you about the bread, it's worth repeating parts of a previous post for you to read.

This will give you an idea just how crap I have been at baking in the past.


...........................


The year was 1986.............


My boys were aged 4 and 7 and I had been bullied, (by the Playground Mafia,) into making some cakes for the PTA "Bring and Buy" stall.

In the nick of time, my friend, Maggie, had come to the rescue and given me a huge dollop of "Friendship Cake."

Now, I don't know if you're familiar with this cake, but basically.................


1. Someone gives you a bowl of what can only be described as "GOO."

2. You feed the goo every couple of days or so with cups full of flour and sugar.

3. This "feeds" the mixture until it triples in size.

4. You then split it into three. One lot you keep and carrying on feeding, one you bake, and the third part you give to a friend. (Who then "feeds" it, etc. etc.)


Well........I had the idea, that instead of giving any away, or baking any, I would just keep "feeding" it right up to the day the cakes were expected by the PTA. I could then make THREE cakes.

BIG MISTAKE!
(is that giggling I can hear?)

Before I knew where I was, the mixture had outgrown the kitchen.

It had a very strong yeasty smell, and I had used up 3 mixing bowls and several more belonging to the neighbours...................






I rushed outside,

.......and dragged the boys' paddling pool into the kitchen.




I chucked in loads of the mixture.


It was continuing to grow................


I 'phoned Mum,
(as yer do in these circumstances.)


"Mumsie, help me, please................"


After she finally stopped laughing, she asked to speak to Eldest Son, Ali.


"Right Lad," she said, "Get the largest paper bag you can find."







ALISTAIR: Nanny, this cake stuff is EVERYWHERE. It won't fit in a paper bag.


MUMSIE: It's not for the cake, it's for your Mum.

She needs to breathe in and out of it, she's hyperventilating. I'll be round in a minute.



EFFECTS: Wonder Woman Theme Tune playing in the background.





Mumsie arrived on my doorstep, she had run all the way from 3 streets away.


As she stopped, there was the noise of brakes screeching because behind her, she was dragging her trusty old shopping bag on wheels.


She has brought with her six mixing bowls, 17 cake tins, extra flour, dried fruit, and 3lbs of best butter.

She had half a bottle of brandy, too.

(The brandy was for me!)




She had brought her large wooden spoon.



(Like this one, but with "Go Faster" stripes.)




Within 20 minutes, Peace ruled supreme!




So, Mumsie had rolled up her sleeves, emptied my freezer of all the out of date stuff.


She divided the Goo into workable sizes.


She put 3 lots of the Goo into the freezer as we realise it's one way to curtail its growth.


Mum shouts over the garden walls to all of me neighbours.







"We have an Emergency situation, please preheat your ovens to Gas mark 4 - NOW!"



A couple of points here...................


No-one says "No" to Mumsie, many have tried believe me.



If Mum had been partnered to Winston Churchill in 1939,

the War would have been over by Christmas!








Altogether, we managed to make and bake 8 cakes.


(We also discovered that the Goo stopped growing when subjected to 140 degrees Centigrade.)


Luckily I lived only four doors away from the school, so I loaded up the old pram with cakes and delivered them to the PTA Committee.






To say that the the "A" lister Mums were impressed would have been an understatement.






They made comments like:



"WOW!"



"WELL DONE!"



and



"What IS that she's wearing?"







I placed the cakes on the table, a proud lump in my throat and tears of joy in my eyes.






But............................


............ I've had a phobia of anything yeast based ever since.


DON'T FORGET TO POP BACK FOR PART TWO, WILL YOU?

Monday, August 8, 2011

No Flies on Me!




Hello my dear Bloggeroos!

I have now returned from my journey up North.

When I returned last week, I was just about to read through my mail, when I realised that there was an intruder in my living room...................


"Oh No! How awful!"

I hear you cry.............

Please don't worry, my dear friends.

I am a Woman of Substance.............






I have NO fear............


I always make sure I have my FIVE A DAY





(Gosh! This new medication is wonderful stuff!)








Luckily, I am trained in Self Defence and my late partner, Liam, left me his old Motorbiker's Leathers.

So, without further ado, I nipped round the back of the sofa and slipped them on..........








They were a bit tight........but I managed to slip them on over my Janet Reger silk undies by using some of my favourite moisturiser............







(Note to self: Cut down on those chocolate Waggon Wheels.)



I came out looking just like Cathy Gale in the Avengers.............





I did.......HONEST!


I ran across to the intruder, rolled up copy of Country Life in hand...................







............and I whacked him,





and whacked him,





and whacked him again.............



I looked down........................



There he was.........................



Lying dead..............



on me tufted Wilton....................







The only thing left to do now, is to dispose of the body.....................................



....................................


.............




I HATE spiders, don't you?



***************

Don't forget to leave a comment to be in the draw
for the free Cath Kidston Bag giveaway click on the link to enter.

Back soon!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Cath Kidston Giveaway! Free Tesco Bag!


Wooooooo............Hoooooooo................!

I have now achieved my ambition of

100 followers!

By way of celebration and to thank all of my dear Bloggeroos, I have a great giveaway.

THIS IS A GENUINE WORLDWIDE FREE GIVEAWAY.

The bag is a Cath Kidston Tesco Bag in blue Ottoman Rose design.
They are highly prized by Cath Kidston fans and were sold in 2008/2009.

This one is unused and complete with tags.


To enter this free giveaway, all you need to do is leave a comment on this and any subsequent posts. (One comment on each post, please.)

The winner will be picked at random, and the closing date is midnight (British Summer Time) Wednesday 10th August.

OVERSEAS ENTRIES WELCOME!

***********

Other news................




All our family had a lovely get together a few weeks ago at our usual venue complete with buffet and disco.

Toby is my great nephew, and he was a very good boy!




My youngest son Phil and his family came down from Darlington, and my niece Emily (Toby's aunty) and her family came up from Wiltshire.

(The family are VERY excited as Em, Scott and their boys are moving back to Lincoln in a couple of months.)

It was the first time the whole extended family had been together since Mum and Dad's 60th Wedding Anniversary in January.

It was also the first time some of us had met Emily's new baby, Jenson.


Jenson


************

A few weeks ago, I left a comment on


Jayne is a very talented lady, and is well known to many of my fellow bloggers.

Jayne sent me some lovely handmade lavender bags - scrummy!

I am also happy to promote


13th August 2011, Rangeworthy Village Hall, BS37 7LZ


on her behalf.


***********


On the domestic front...................

You may remember that I had a plumbing problem. This has now been addressed, but it did make quite a few further problems.

As you can imagine, this has kept me busy lately!




I have now decided to replace my 1980's peach bathroom suite, it's like this one..............



It was in the Dollytub Cottage when I moved in 6 years ago.

I am having a 1940's style suite as the house was built in 1948.

No-one who knows me can believe that I might actually............

.....................

SPEND SOME MONEY!

At least my bed will now be a bit comfier.............






He! He! He!

*********


School Holidays are now imminent, and I'm off up north to spend some time with two of my grandchildren.

I'll be back in a while.

Don't forget to leave a comment to be included in the Cath Kidston Bag Giveaway!


Friday, July 1, 2011

When Gobbledegook is Your First Language............



Hello my dear Bloggeroos!

I have now read your comments on my last post.......Shame on you!

I can't believe you lot thought that my recent tale of woe was an attempt at "toilet humour."

Would I stoop so low?

No.........there'll be no stooping here.

Not after all those Bran Flakes and Sennakots anyway!




************


Last time I said that I would tell you a tale about Mumsie and mistaken identity.

But, that story goes on a bit. (Don't they all?)

...............and I'm waiting in the for the plumber to come and fix a leaky toilet.
(A saga for another post, maybe?)

So, instead, her is a little back-story which reminded about her daft stunt in the first place.


My Mum is a lovely woman, everyone loves her.







When I was still living at home, my friends thought she was cool.

She is a fantastic cook and loves to have her family around her as much as possible.

She is generous and friendly.

but.......................

Sometimes she speaks as though English were not her first language.

..........and...............

Sometimes...............she's just plain DAFT!

(..........and you wonder where I get it from?)

Here goes...........

Mum and I talk on the 'phone most days, and it was this recent conversation that reminded me of the mistaken identity stunt she pulled several years ago. (To follow in my next post.)


ring.........ring...........ring............ring........


MUMSIE: 'Ello?


ME: (singing) I Just Called to Say I Love You..........





MUMSIE: Oh, I love that song! It reminds me of when you used to play it on your car radio. It was when you had that blue adventure.


ME: "Blue Adventure"? "Blue Adventure"?




ME: Whatever are you talking about?
You're referring to my old job when I would dress up for local press promotions, aren't you. I've told you before, I was only PRETENDING to be a victorian prostitute.



I was collecting for charity.


MUMSIE: Not that, you soft sod! (her favourite term of endearment.) I meant that blue car you had when the kids were little.



ME: You silly woman...............






.........That was an Avenger, a Blue AVENGER!





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Anyway, gotta go. I must hide the chocolate Waggon Wheels before the plumber gets here!

Back soon!