More Laundry Tips & A Fridge Too Far

Following on from yesterday's laundry tips..........................

TIP 3. After separating the light stuff from the dark stuff, check all pockets for loose change. Put one lot of washing in the machine, switch on and then go off to Bingo with the money you've found. (Please note: As far as I know Gala Bingo does not accept paper clips, bits of string or conkers.)

TIP 4. Always have a third pile of laundry. This will consist of those awful Hawaiin print shirts Hubby insists on wearing, your teenage sons t-shirts with very rude slogans on, and any far-too-revealing, skimpy tops that belong to any daughter under the age of 21. Wash these altogether on VERY HOT. This renders the offending garments completely unwearable with a bit of luck. If any item has not been ruined, repeat the process. Practice your look of apologetic horror in front of the mirror during the spin cycle.



HOW TO CHECK THE FRIDGE BEFORE GOING SHOPPING.

Before opening the fridge door, make sure you have an old floorcloth handy in case of any escaping fluids. (I do this ever since a particular day last Summer, when........ No, I won't go into the gorey details, but suffice to say my toenails have still not grown back!)

Once the fridge door is open, remove and discard any item growing fur, and also any milk cartons whose contents are no longer moving about.

Just a short note here about brown slime, this will be found in the salad drawer. This was once a lettuce - it is no longer fresh. (This is confirmed by distinct lack of the colour green or anything remotely resembling a leaf.)

It is at this point that I check any cans of lager, bottles of "Snowballs" etc. To make sure that the fridge is working correctly and keeping drinks cold enough drink at least one of the cans/bottles. Sometimes even after trying a can or two, I still need to satisfy myself that any drink my family needs is the correct temperature. (It's an awful job, but someone has to do it!)

You don't need to check orange juice. Your children will quaff this straight from the carton and swallow it so quickly, they won't know if it's cold or not.

Now you know what needs replacing from the supermarket. Don't forget to replace the beer and snowballs. Don't forget to take your own carrier bags. This not only earns you extra loyalty points, but if you use nice thick carriers, the neighbours won't be able to count how many beers you've bought. Right then, off you go................................

Life's Too Short to Stuff a Mushroom

In 1977, I chanced upon a book called "Superwoman". I grabbed it to read as I was sure this was just the thing to ensure my rite of passage to becoming the "Domestic Goddess" I so believed I was underneath. (How wrong can a girl be?)

Anyway, the book was written by Lady Shirley Conran (ex wife to Terrance Conran of Habitat fame.)

I thought it was my sort of book, when on the first page was the phrase, "Life's Too Short To Stuff a Mushroom." I'm with you there, Shirl!

To be honest, I'm afraid my understanding of domesticity flew out the window as I read further into the book. "How to Serve Melon Balls". I didn't know Melons had any b..........., Oh! Hang on a minute, aaah I think I've got it now. (32 years later, okay so I'm not a quick learner!)

To be fair to myself, I was very naive and immature. (I was still writing problem letters to Cathie and Claire in "Jackie" magazine.)

Over the years as our family grew, with the assistance of several bottles of Cinzano, I decided to write my own Hints, Cheats and Tips for those of us who could be referred to as a "Reluctant Housewife."

Of course, as with many projects in my life , this never got much further than a few scribbled notes on the back of several fag packets. (Note to self....where DID I put the Blue Peter instructions so I can finish my "Sindy Bedroom?) But as I have recently been clearing the loft and have now found them - it seems a shame that I shouldn't share my ramblings...............

TIP ONE. Unless you are a bride, never buy any items of white clothing. (They won't be white for long.)

TIP TWO. Site your tumble dryer either at one end of a very long room, or at the end of a hallway. This will mean you can forego the ironing by lining up your family somewhere near the tumble dryer. Put each family member's clean dry clothing in turn in the dryer for a few minutes. Take out said clothing whilst they are still hot. (The clothing not the family member.) Each person in turn, pops on their outfit and run around briskly, fastening buttons and zips as they go.

WARNING - Be especially careful with any metal fasteners. (One time, my ex hubby didn't use sufficient care with the 6 metal buttons on his denim shirt. Later on, when the children were in bed, he removed his shirt, I fetched a pen and we played "Join the Dots".)

Don't forget to pop back for more helpful hints, including "A Fridge Too Far", "A Stitch in Time" "Porridge Fondue" to name but a few.

Do you have any such useful tips you would like to share?

Thank you to all those lovely Bloggeroos who have left comments or sent emails of encouragement about losing my "Blog Virginity". Can I say that on here?