The Rain in Spain Stays Mainly on the Plain.......

Another story here about my lovely Mumsie. She's such a character, and she has a wicked sense of humour.

Sometimes she says things, not even realising they are funny.

Sometimes, just sometimes, she will say something so outrageous you just wish the ground would open up and swallow you!

Today's post relates to the way we speak, particularly accents.

There are quite a few variations across Lincolnshire. The accent for Lincoln City itself is very much like the Nottingham one.

Su Pollard (AKA Peggy Ollerenshaw) is from Nottingham.

I sound very much like that, but not quite so fast!

Both of my Grandfathers came from Yorkshire, Mum's dad from Bradford, Dad's dad from Leeds.

Dad's accent's definitely Lincoln, but Mum has a touch of Yorkshire even though she never lived there.

This is most noticeable by the things she says rather than what she says.

I went to the type of school that punished dropping H's in our speech, by giving out detention, during which we would have to write out 100 times

"I must not drop my aitches"

"I must not drop my aitches"

Although I was well behaved, and never in trouble for anything else, I dropped so many aitches that I had to borrow the Caretaker's broom to sweep them all up!

"Sorry, Miss. I've forgotten my 'omework."

So, there I would be, week after week, doing my lines.

Please Sir, can I 'ave some more?

I was a ghastly teenager, and decided that if I wasn't allowed to pronounce words incorrectly, no-one else in the family could.

I don't know where my bravery came from, but I started picking on my Mum in particular.

(Crikey, I was a plucky lass back then, I wouldn't dare do that now!)

Mumsie was having none of it, and did it all the more to annoy me.

I'd made a new friend, Julia who spoke very posh.

All of her family were posh - they even had a fridge!

(Well, it was posh in 1967!)

I was a Day Pupil but Julia was a Boarder as her Dad was a Bishop down south somewhere.

There had been a minor fire and two of the dormitories were water damaged.

So some of the boarders were billeted out to stay with us lesser mortals for a week.

Mumsie loves visitors, always has, so she said that Julia could stay at our house.

The day before Julia was coming to stay, Mumsie and I were making sandwiches.

I was buttering, Mumsie was filling and cutting them up.

She asked me to pass her a bread knife from the drawer.

"I think it might be a bit blunt. Dad used it when he couldn't find his hacksaw to shorten the budgie's perch" I said handing it to her

She tried to cut through the bread, "Bloody 'ell, you're not wrong, lass. You could ride bare-arsed to London on this one."

A terrible thought struck me, what if she says something like that when Julia's here?

"Muuuuuum..........?" I said

Mum answered, "I know what you're gonna say, the answer is - No I won't say that when Julia's here."

Phew!? Thank goodness for that.

The next day, Julia and I arrived at our house.

"Put your bags down girls and we'll have a nice cuppa tea and a piece of Hangel cake."

She meant Angel cake.

As she began to cut the cake, she looked at me, winked naughtily and said

"Oh dear! One curd ride bare-bottomed to Lurndon on this!"

P.S. I love the pic at the top of my post. It's Mumsie and Daddio with my granddaughter Evie. It was taken at my ex-husband's wedding last summer. What a lovely thing that he invited them. We always find room in our family for one more :O)

Part Four & LAST CALL FOR CATH KIDSTON GIVEAWAY!

Before we go on with the continuing saga of the Friendship Cake, a last call and a reminder of the giveaway I am doing for a Cath Kidston Tesco Shopper Bag. Entries by tomorrow, Tuesday 9 a.m.

Which one of the following statements is untrue:

1.I once met Country Singer Willie Nelson in a lift
2.I sat on Santa's knee when I was 33 years old
3.I ran up Lincoln High street with Jimmy Saville
4.I can't ride a bicycle
5.I met Billy Fury when I was 17 years old
6.I once had lunch with a Danish trapeze artist
7.I sat on Robbie William's toilet
8.I have had my photo on a Centre page spread
9.I have been engaged 4 times, but married only once
10.Except for Christmas Lunch and Weddings I never drink alcohol

Leave your guess number in comments, winner to be announced tomorrow. Be careful, the other 9 statements are true!

PART FOUR - THE QUATERMASS EXPERIMENT & THE FRIENDSHIP CAKES

Where were we?...............Ah yes, I remember

So...........Eldest Son had found me a paper bag for my hyperventilating. I'm calming down (a bit)

The phone rang, Mumsie said she was on her way round.

EFFECTS: Wonder Woman Theme Tune playing in the background.

Did I tell you Mumsie's my Hero?

Mumsie arrives on my doorstep, she had run all the way from 3 streets away.

As she stops, there is the noise of brakes screeching because behind her, she is dragging her trusty old shopping bag on wheels.

She has brought with her six mixing bowls, 17 cake tins, extra flour, dried fruit, 3lbs of best butter, half a bottle of brandy. (The brandy is for me.)

She also has her large wooden spoon. (The one with the "Go Faster" stripes.)

Within 20 minutes, Peace rules supreme!

So, Mumsie had rolled up her sleeves, emptied my freezer of all the out of date stuff, and has divided the Blob into workable sizes. She puts 3 lots of the Blob into the freezer as we realise it's one way to curtail its growth.

Mum shouts over the garden walls to all of me neighbours.

"We have an Emergency situation, please preheat your ovens to Gas mark 4 - NOW!"

A couple of points here...................

No-one says No to Mumsie, many have tried believe me.

If Mum had been partnered to Winston Churchill in 1939, the War would have been over by Christmas!

We managed to make and bake 6 cakes. We also discovered that the Blob also stopped growing when subjected to 140 degrees Centigrade.

We made an assortment - some with dried fruit, some plain, and some with buttercream.

Luckily I lived only four doors away from the school, so I loaded up the pushchair and delivered them to the PTA Commitee.

To say that the the "A" lister Mums were impressed would have been an understatement.

They made comments like:

"WOW!"

"WELL DONE!"

and

"What IS that she's wearing?"

I placed the cakes on the table, a proud lump in my throat and tears of joy in my eyes.

I had also taken a present for Felicity Understairs-Cupboard

I wonder if you can guess what it was?

Last time I saw her, she was in a very sorry state and had put on loads of weight from all that cake!