Dollytub Cottage

Where There's a Will, There's a Weigh.................

2011-10-20T23:13:00.017+01:00

On my previous blogpost, I was bemoaning the problems I've been having with my weight.

Over the last couple of years, the medication I was taking gave me terrible sugar cravings.

How am I doing?

My starting weight was 11st 2lbs. I'm only just over 5ft 3ins.

My usual weight has always been between

8st 12lb and 9st 7lbs.

None of my clothes fitted me. The more weight I put on, the less I was moving about.

When my size 16 trousers started to pinch................enough!

I'd read that one of the tablets recommended for the treatment of fibromyalgia has weight loss as a side effect..................

Ooooh.............I'll have some of that, I thought!

So, last week, I made an appointment with my doctor.

It was well worth the visit!

I told him of my plan. He was well impressed that I'd already managed to lose 4lbs during the previous fortnight.

(Some of my diet tips are at the end of this post)............

He agreed the extra weight wasn't helping me and gave me a prescription for the alternative tablets.

At the moment, I am taking a half dose of the old one. (I've been on them for 9 years, so I need to tail them off gradually.)

I love my Doctor!

The sugar cravings are definitely going and I have lost another 3lbs........WOOHOO!!!!!!!!

But, best of all...........I got in a pair of size 14 trousers today. YAY!!

I'd do a cartwheel........................

............but not with my bad back!

I'm feeling very positive, but it's early days yet.

*************

Diet Hint and Tips

1. Start the day with a good breakfast.

I have only one boiled egg............

*********

2. Drink plenty of fluids................

**********

3. A glass or two of wine won't hurt............

************

4. Make sure there is plenty of fibre in your diet....................

Coconut's supposed to be VERY good for fibre.

**********

5. Don't forget your '5 a day'..................

**************

6. Cut down on cakes. I only have one piece a week now..................

*************

Finally...............

Don't forget...............

and..................

...........however good you are at doing the laundry..................

Do you have any dieting tips to pass on?

Don't forget to pop back and see how I get on!

Seeing the Error of my Weighs!.....................

2011-10-11T09:35:00.009+01:00

Hello, my dear Bloggeroos!

Some of you know that I have been having trouble with my weight over the last few years.

This has been mainly due to my medication. I've never had a sweet tooth, but these tablets give me terrible sugar cravings.

Remember my struggle with Coco Pops addiction?

The Monkey Made Me Do It

I'm also less active as the Fibromyalgia causes painful joints, so I have to pace myself.

I had a terrible moment this morning when I stepped onto my bathroom scales.

I'd already decided last week that something had to be done when I weighed in at 11st 2lbs! (156lbs)

Before I developed Fibromyalgia, my weight was always between

8st 12lbs (124lbs) and 9st 7lbs (133lbs).

Even during pregnancy, my top weight was only

10st 4lbs (144lbs).

I've been looking at ways to tackle this, but more of that later............

Today, when I cleaned the bathroom, I'd left the scales on the landing.

I'd been downstairs tidying up. I went back up to put my clean clothes away.

As I replaced the scales on the bathroom floor, I stepped on them. (As yer do!)

OMG!

12 stone?!

That's IMPOSSIBLE!

I felt completely crestfallen.......................

...............until I realised..................

..............under my arm.................

..........was...............

...........a basket of clothes!

**********

I've already lost 4lbs just from cutting down.

Also, I'm going to try some gentle exercise with a view to improving my suppleness and stamina. (Then I could maybe manage a proper Keep Fit class.)

I've got an appointment with my doctor this afternoon to discuss trying a different tablet.

Watch this space!

Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear?.......................

2011-10-07T16:53:00.012+01:00

Hello my dear Bloggeroos!

I hope you are all well.

Today, I have a tale from my childhood. It's about Mumsie's attempt to reproduce my Nanna's recipe for "Pineapple Surprise."

I was going to call this blogpost "Pudding on the Agony."

But that would be toooooo daft. Even for me!

(Imagine now, if you will, that the screen is going swirly, the world is in black and white, and Perry Como is crooning quietly on the radio.....)

Now I've got you zoned in, I'll begin..................

My Nanna was a wonderful woman, if not a bit fierce!

She had a hard life.

She married a man much older than herself, so she was widowed at 55, and left to bring up eight children single handed.

She was a fantastic and VERY resourceful cook. She worked quickly and methodically.

(My Dad told me that he often wondered if Nanna had once worked in a casino as she buttered the bread and threw it around to each person's plate so fast!)

Nanna really loved her food, she was an enormous woman; almost 6 feet tall and she weighed over 20 stone (280lbs).

We all loved her and miss her to this day, but..............

she could be quite sharp............and..............

we were scared to death of her!

She was particularly fond of desserts and puddings.

During the War, Lincolnshire was home to many American airmen.

One of my Aunties was a very stunning young woman and made friends with some of them.

I don't know how many, but let's just say she never ran out of nylons!

These delightful young men, had a very strange habit of also handing out various treats to the local beauties, such as sweets, jars of jam, and, of all things, tins of Pineapple Chunks!

Obviously, they were gratefully received, but one tin of Pineapple Chunks didn't go far between an adult and eight children, so Nanna came up with a recipe of Pineapple Surprise.

She would make up a HUGE load of Bird's custard made with evaporated milk and pour in the pineapple chunks.

The "surprise" bit was if you actually managed to find a piece of the delicious fruit!

"Surprise - I got one!"

It became a family favourite.

Over the years, as the rationing ended and more of the children left home - there would be far more pineapple and much less custard!

By 1963, when I was a little girl the recipe amounts were now about half and half.

One day, Mumsie put a large glass serving dish on the table, and proudly announced that she had made us all "Pineapple Surprise."

Nanna had come for Tea that day. She sighed heavily, leaned across the table and started shoving the bits of pineapple around with the serving spoon, as if checking for an unexploded bomb.

Nanna: (sucking some of the custard of the spoon.)You didn't ask me for the recipe, did you?

Mumsie: (indignantly.) Pineapple, custard......How hard can it be?

Nanna: Have you ACTUALLY tasted it?

(She held out the spoon.)

Mumsie: Errrr.....no...... (she had a little taste.) Oooh 'eck! It tastes nothing like yours. What have I done wrong?

Nanna: Did you make up the custard with evaporated milk?

Mumsie: (nodding her head vigorously) Of course I did!

Nanna: How did you make up the milk........exactly?

Mumsie: With water......how it said to do it on the milk tin.

Nanna: You didn't make it up with the pineapple juice?

Mumsie: Errr.......no. Was I supposed to?

Nanna: Yep!

Mumsie: Oooops.................I drank it!

Nanna: Ooooh our Aud - you're such a greedy bitch!

(Then she smiled and added,)

Still, that's NO surprise!

***************

I'm still very hit and miss with my postings. I've still got things going on here.

Tomorrow, I'm having a new loft hatch put in.

That'll get rid of the last of my clutter with any luck!

The Von Trapp Family.......but without the singing!

2011-09-29T21:19:00.010+01:00

Hello, my dear Bloggeroos!

I had a lovely time over the Lincolnshire coast on my little jaunt with my family, a few weeks ago.

All the kids really enjoyed it. Two of my granddaughters, Hollie and Eve love just "being cousins" together.

***********

We've had some fair bits of excitement in my extended family too. My niece, Laura is getting married on Saturday. The other bit of news is that Emily, her sister is moving back up to Lincoln from Wiltshire next week.

There's a definite buzz up at Mum and Dad's (a.k.a. Headquarters.)

This is where the Von Trapp Family mention comes into my post today...............

Due to the size of our large family there are six, yes that's six, pageboys.

Because the wedding party is getting dressed at my sister Mandy's house, all the pageboy outfits and three of the matching bridesmaids dresses are all pressed ready, hanging all along the picture rail.

According to Mandy, it looks like a row of the "curtain outfits" from the Sound of Music!

My son Phil, Claire and their kids Hollie and Jayden are here for the wedding and are staying at my house for the weekend.

Jayden, my grandson, is becoming a bit of a monkey these days. I've just seen on his mum's facebook page, that he might as well sleep and eat all his meals on the "Naughty Step" as he's spending so much time there!

I've swept mine ready for him!

Oh, but he's such a cooooool dude!

He's not quite getting the idea of the toilet training either........................

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Before I go, I've got one of my funny stories to tell you.

It is completely true...............

.............

Some of you may remember that I use to work as a Promotions Girl for our local newspaper.

One of our regular jobs was doing Pub Fun Nights at various pubs across the county, promoting the Echo.

There were three of us, Tanya, Tina, and me.

Tanya, Me, Tina 1996

We are sitting down in the above pic, but we made quite a rare bunch.

Tanya is over 6 feet tall, I'm 5'4", Tina's about 5 feet.

When we were performing, those old enough to remember would comment that the pair of them looked like Hylda Baker and Cynthia...........

Tanya's a very laid back sort of person, and she has a very slow, and subtle wit...........

One evening the three of us were driving down Lincoln High Street in the Echo van.

As we went past the local Ritz Theatre, Tanya piped up...................

"Oh! I didn't know The Chippendales" were on tonight."

"Don't be daft, they're not, are they?" I asked.

". Yeah, I think so," she said, pointing "Look!"

Tina and I looked, and then we saw the poster she was pointing to....................

I hope that made you smile!

Back soon.................

I'm Sue and I'm a Clutterholic................

2011-09-07T00:41:00.014+01:00

Hello my dear Bloggeroos!

Last time I posted, you may remember that I was about to tackle all the clutter in my dining room. This was stuff that was formerly stacked in a (very) small room at the bottom of my stairs. (I call this room the "ex-toilet" owing to the original use of this space years ago.)

This was necessary to make some space for my recent freezer acquisition.

Well..................

I'm sure you can imagine just how much clutter there was, as I've not been around Blogland for ages!

Where did I get all this rubbish?

Did fairies and elves shove unwanted items in there?

I was obviously elsewhere, counting my money, eating Waggon Wheels, or sorting out the vowels in my Alphabet Soup?

Well............it's NOT THERE NOW!

OMG, I haven't been so miserable since I worked in the Clock Factory.............

....when all I did was make faces all day :O)

Some of the things I've chucked out included..............

1. Two huge piles of newspapers. (Isn't that terrible about President Kennedy getting shot?)

2. Thirty two various TV Guides. (I see Elsie Tanner's got married again.)

I did keep a couple of my favourite Radio Times tho'

aaah....be still my beating heart!

4. An application form for the TV show "Hoarders."

5. Sixty seven cardboard boxes that I was SURE would come in useful some day

6. A book called "How to Make Furniture from Cardboard" (Maybe I should have kept it.)

7.My David Cassidy poster

I wondered where that'd got to!

8. A huge pile of clothes in sizes 8, 10, 12 and 14......

Needless to say I kept the size 16 and 18!

Sometimes you just have to be a realist :O(

9. A leaflet about a Night Class "How to be Organised." (Printed in 1995.)

I wonder if they still run this?

I am so pleased with myself, I've decide to reward myself with a little jaunt to the seaside with my lovely boys, their gorgeous wives, and my four scrummy grandchildren.

See you all soon...........

Beauty and the Yeast..........PART TWO

2011-08-23T17:19:00.026+01:00

As promised, here is a tale about my recent attempts at breadmaking..............

Why did I decide to have a go?

FIRSTLY.................

Home baked bread is healthier; you know what has gone into each loaf if you make it yourself.

SECONDLY..............

Baking bread is supposed to be therapeutic.

All that pummelling and "knocking down" can be directed to any of our enemies or detractors we may choose, if only in our imagination.

THIRDLY...............

Breadmaking skills could be useful if we have another Winter like last year. I will not have to resort to those batons of glorified fluff that masquerade as "partly baked loaves."

It will also be something different for my neighbour, Tracy, to try.

(You may remember that Tracy thinks my pantry is her very own corner shop. She "pops in" whenever she runs out of food!)

But...........FOURTHLY, and most importantly................

The Bread Mix was on offer at Sainsbury's!

(Did I mention, I'm a bit of a tight-wad?)

**************

As some of you may know, I live alone.

Not that I mind.

Sometimes, I can go 4 or 5 days and never see or speak to another living soul.

Unless, that is..........I decide to do something useful.

Perhaps I want to undertake a project where I don't wish to be disturbed. At such times, it seems I am plagued with all sorts of characters trying to disrupt my attempts at doing something useful.

***************

Last Wednesday, I'd decided to try out the Bread Mix. It was such a day.

I'd barely put on my pinny, before there was a knock at the door.

I sighed......................

I opened the door................

"Whaddya want?" I asked gruffly..........

"Five quid. I've just cleaned your upstairs windows.

You sound a bit harassed, missus. Is everything alright?"

"Sorry about that, Spidey. I'm just starting to make a loaf of bread. I didn't mean to lose me temper." I said, giving him a fiver.

"Wow! Clever old you," he said. "There's nothing like home made fresh bread."

Blinded by his flattery, I said, "Come back at 3 o'clock. I'll make a cuppa and you can try some."

"Thanks, I will," he said, and quickly scaled the wall to his next customer.

I went back to the kitchen.

Just as I finished getting everything out of the cupboard, there was another knock on the door.

I wiped my hands and went into the hall.

I peeped through my little spyhole.

Now, I could have pretended that I was out.

But, I opened the door as I was brought up to be polite.

(And anyway, she'd already seen the flash of my pinny through the glass in the door!)

"Yes?" I asked.

"Do you ever worry about the state of the world?" she asked, thrusting a magazine under my nose.

"Yes, I do worry about it sometimes. Unfortunately, I can't discuss it with you right now. I'm in the middle of making some bread."

"Making some bread?" she asked, excitedly. She was now dribbling and continued,

"There's nothing like home made fresh bread. I bet it will be scrummy"

She stood there.................

................staring at me.............

................expectantly.............

"I tell you what," I said, "Pop back at 3 o'clock. I'll let you try some."

She left, skipping along the garden path.

As I went back to the kitchen and started mixing and pummelling, it suddenly dawned on me that I may not have enough butter for my two guests.

I looked out of the window to see if the milkman was still in the street.

Yep, he was still there.

"Aye up Ernie!" I shouted waving my arms about. "Can I have some best butter?"

"Best butter?" he asked with disbelief in his voice. "You're pushing the boat out, aren't you. Have you gone off Sainbury's basic buy soft spread then, or have you won the Lottery?"

"Neither." I said, "I'm making some home made bread and I've got company coming later to try it."

Ernie passed me the butter.

"Fancy that!" he said. "You. Actually baking, ha ha ha!"

Ignoring his cheeky remarks, I asked

"Why don't you come back at 3 o'clock and join us?"

"Thanks, missus, I will," he said. " After all, there's nothing like home made fresh bread!"

**************

Crikey, this was almost turning into a party.

After mixing it, kneading it, letting it rise, and then doing it all again - I put the loaf in the oven.

Just as my kitchen timer went "ping", someone was ringing a bell out in the street.............

.................and shouting...................

"Any old rags! Any old rags!"

It was the rag and bone man.

He jumped down off his horse, and walked down the side of my house to the open back door.

"Hello, luv. Got any old rags?" he asked, looking at my clothes hanging on the washing line.

"No, sorry. I haven't." I said.

He looked at all the Primark and charity shop clothes on the line again.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

I nodded. He threw back his head and sniffed.

"What's that smell?" he asked.

"That'll be the horse poo on your wellies," I said, pointing downwards.

"Not THAT smell!" he tutted. "The smell coming from your oven."

"Oh, I've made some bread this afternoon." I told him.

"Really?" he stared at me, hopefully.

"OK, leave your wellie boots out there and go upstairs and wash your hands. You can stay and try some if you like." I said.

"Thanks, I will," he said. "There's nothing like home made fresh bread!"

Off he went and within the next few minutes, my other guests arrived.

Spidey, the window cleaner

Mrs Jehovah's Witness

and Ernie the milkman.

I sliced the bread, buttered it and passed it around.

We all took a great big bite...................

What was the verdict?

....................

.........................

...............well...................

................after we'd tasted it...................

...............we were all agreed................

................it was absolutely................

...........NOTHING LIKE HOME MADE FRESH BREAD!.................

***************

Don't forget to pop back!

Beauty and the Yeast..........PART ONE

2011-08-21T16:46:00.001+01:00

Hello my dear Bloggeroos!

I know that I promised a tale about my recent endeavour into the world of ........................

Breadmaking!

Now, before I tell you about the bread, it's worth repeating parts of a previous post for you to read.

This will give you an idea just how crap I have been at baking in the past.

...........................

The year was 1986.............

My boys were aged 4 and 7 and I had been bullied, (by the Playground Mafia,) into making some cakes for the PTA "Bring and Buy" stall.

In the nick of time, my friend, Maggie, had come to the rescue and given me a huge dollop of "Friendship Cake."

Now, I don't know if you're familiar with this cake, but basically.................

1. Someone gives you a bowl of what can only be described as "GOO."

2. You feed the goo every couple of days or so with cups full of flour and sugar.

3. This "feeds" the mixture until it triples in size.

4. You then split it into three. One lot you keep and carrying on feeding, one you bake, and the third part you give to a friend. (Who then "feeds" it, etc. etc.)

Well........I had the idea, that instead of giving any away, or baking any, I would just keep "feeding" it right up to the day the cakes were expected by the PTA. I could then make THREE cakes.

BIG MISTAKE!

(is that giggling I can hear?)

Before I knew where I was, the mixture had outgrown the kitchen.

It had a very strong yeasty smell, and I had used up 3 mixing bowls and several more belonging to the neighbours...................

I rushed outside,

.......and dragged the boys' paddling pool into the kitchen.

I chucked in loads of the mixture.

It was continuing to grow................

I 'phoned Mum,

(as yer do in these circumstances.)

"Mumsie, help me, please................"

After she finally stopped laughing, she asked to speak to Eldest Son, Ali.

"Right Lad," she said, "Get the largest paper bag you can find."

ALISTAIR: Nanny, this cake stuff is EVERYWHERE. It won't fit in a paper bag.

MUMSIE: It's not for the cake, it's for your Mum.

She needs to breathe in and out of it, she's hyperventilating. I'll be round in a minute.

EFFECTS: Wonder Woman Theme Tune playing in the background.

Mumsie arrived on my doorstep, she had run all the way from 3 streets away.

As she stopped, there was the noise of brakes screeching because behind her, she was dragging her trusty old shopping bag on wheels.

She has brought with her six mixing bowls, 17 cake tins, extra flour, dried fruit, and 3lbs of best butter.

She had half a bottle of brandy, too.

(The brandy was for me!)

She had brought her large wooden spoon.

(Like this one, but with "Go Faster" stripes.)

Within 20 minutes, Peace ruled supreme!

So, Mumsie had rolled up her sleeves, emptied my freezer of all the out of date stuff.

She divided the Goo into workable sizes.

She put 3 lots of the Goo into the freezer as we realise it's one way to curtail its growth.

Mum shouts over the garden walls to all of me neighbours.

"We have an Emergency situation, please preheat your ovens to Gas mark 4 - NOW!"

A couple of points here...................

No-one says "No" to Mumsie, many have tried believe me.

If Mum had been partnered to Winston Churchill in 1939,

the War would have been over by Christmas!

Altogether, we managed to make and bake 8 cakes.

(We also discovered that the Goo stopped growing when subjected to 140 degrees Centigrade.)

Luckily I lived only four doors away from the school, so I loaded up the old pram with cakes and delivered them to the PTA Committee.

To say that the the "A" lister Mums were impressed would have been an understatement.

They made comments like:

"WOW!"

"WELL DONE!"

and

"What IS that she's wearing?"

I placed the cakes on the table, a proud lump in my throat and tears of joy in my eyes.

But............................

............ I've had a phobia of anything yeast based ever since.

DON'T FORGET TO POP BACK FOR PART TWO, WILL YOU?

No Flies on Me!

2011-08-08T13:07:00.015+01:00

Hello my dear Bloggeroos!

I have now returned from my journey up North.

When I returned last week, I was just about to read through my mail, when I realised that there was an intruder in my living room...................

"Oh No! How awful!"

I hear you cry.............

Please don't worry, my dear friends.

I am a Woman of Substance.............

I have NO fear............

I always make sure I have my FIVE A DAY

(Gosh! This new medication is wonderful stuff!)

Luckily, I am trained in Self Defence and my late partner, Liam, left me his old Motorbiker's Leathers.

So, without further ado, I nipped round the back of the sofa and slipped them on..........

They were a bit tight........but I managed to slip them on over my Janet Reger silk undies by using some of my favourite moisturiser............

(Note to self: Cut down on those chocolate Waggon Wheels.)

I came out looking just like Cathy Gale in the Avengers.............

I did.......HONEST!

I ran across to the intruder, rolled up copy of Country Life in hand...................

............and I whacked him,

and whacked him,

and whacked him again.............

I looked down........................

There he was.........................

Lying dead..............

on me tufted Wilton....................

The only thing left to do now, is to dispose of the body.....................................

....................................

.............

I HATE spiders, don't you?

***************

Don't forget to leave a comment to be in the draw

for the free Cath Kidston Bag giveaway click on the link to enter.

Back soon!

Cath Kidston Giveaway! Free Tesco Bag!

2011-07-20T13:56:00.014+01:00

Wooooooo............Hoooooooo................!

I have now achieved my ambition of

100 followers!

By way of celebration and to thank all of my dear Bloggeroos, I have a great giveaway.

THIS IS A GENUINE WORLDWIDE FREE GIVEAWAY.

The bag is a Cath Kidston Tesco Bag in blue Ottoman Rose design.

They are highly prized by Cath Kidston fans and were sold in 2008/2009.

This one is unused and complete with tags.

To enter this free giveaway, all you need to do is leave a comment on this and any subsequent posts. (One comment on each post, please.)

The winner will be picked at random, and the closing date is midnight (British Summer Time) Wednesday 10th August.

OVERSEAS ENTRIES WELCOME!

***********

Other news................

All our family had a lovely get together a few weeks ago at our usual venue complete with buffet and disco.

Toby is my great nephew, and he was a very good boy!

My youngest son Phil and his family came down from Darlington, and my niece Emily (Toby's aunty) and her family came up from Wiltshire.

(The family are VERY excited as Em, Scott and their boys are moving back to Lincoln in a couple of months.)

It was the first time the whole extended family had been together since Mum and Dad's 60th Wedding Anniversary in January.

It was also the first time some of us had met Emily's new baby, Jenson.

Jenson

************

A few weeks ago, I left a comment on

Country Cottage Chic

Jayne is a very talented lady, and is well known to many of my fellow bloggers.

Jayne sent me some lovely handmade lavender bags - scrummy!

I am also happy to promote

13th August 2011, Rangeworthy Village Hall, BS37 7LZ

on her behalf.

***********

On the domestic front...................

You may remember that I had a plumbing problem. This has now been addressed, but it did make quite a few further problems.

As you can imagine, this has kept me busy lately!

I have now decided to replace my 1980's peach bathroom suite, it's like this one..............

It was in the Dollytub Cottage when I moved in 6 years ago.

I am having a 1940's style suite as the house was built in 1948.

No-one who knows me can believe that I might actually............

.....................

SPEND SOME MONEY!

At least my bed will now be a bit comfier.............

He! He! He!

*********

School Holidays are now imminent, and I'm off up north to spend some time with two of my grandchildren.

I'll be back in a while.

Don't forget to leave a comment to be included in the Cath Kidston Bag Giveaway!

When Gobbledegook is Your First Language............

2011-07-01T14:56:00.023+01:00

Hello my dear Bloggeroos!

I have now read your comments on my last post.......Shame on you!

I can't believe you lot thought that my recent tale of woe was an attempt at "toilet humour."

Would I stoop so low?

No.........there'll be no stooping here.

Not after all those Bran Flakes and Sennakots anyway!

************

Last time I said that I would tell you a tale about Mumsie and mistaken identity.

But, that story goes on a bit. (Don't they all?)

...............and I'm waiting in the for the plumber to come and fix a leaky toilet.

(A saga for another post, maybe?)

So, instead, her is a little back-story which reminded about her daft stunt in the first place.

My Mum is a lovely woman, everyone loves her.

When I was still living at home, my friends thought she was cool.

She is a fantastic cook and loves to have her family around her as much as possible.

She is generous and friendly.

but.......................

Sometimes she speaks as though English were not her first language.

..........and...............

Sometimes...............she's just plain DAFT!

(..........and you wonder where I get it from?)

Here goes...........

Mum and I talk on the 'phone most days, and it was this recent conversation that reminded me of the mistaken identity stunt she pulled several years ago. (To follow in my next post.)

ring.........ring...........ring............ring........

MUMSIE: 'Ello?

ME: (singing) I Just Called to Say I Love You..........

MUMSIE: Oh, I love that song! It reminds me of when you used to play it on your car radio. It was when you had that blue adventure.

ME: "Blue Adventure"? "Blue Adventure"?

ME: Whatever are you talking about?

You're referring to my old job when I would dress up for local press promotions, aren't you. I've told you before, I was only PRETENDING to be a victorian prostitute.

I was collecting for charity.

MUMSIE: Not that, you soft sod! (her favourite term of endearment.) I meant that blue car you had when the kids were little.

ME: You silly woman...............

.........That was an Avenger, a Blue AVENGER!

****************

Anyway, gotta go. I must hide the chocolate Waggon Wheels before the plumber gets here!

Back soon!

It's enough to Drive me Bonkers!

2011-06-29T19:01:00.021+01:00

Hello my dear Bloggeroos!

I had a (mostly) lovely weekend. On Sunday it was my great nephew Toby's Christening.

As you know by now, my family love an excuse for a Party. Once again, we had the usual Disco and Buffet.

My son, Phil and his family came down from Darlington. My niece, Emily came up from Wiltshire and we all met Jensen, the newest member of our clan.

As I said, it was mostly lovely. Sunday was perfect, but........

Saturday turned out to be a very strange day indeed..............

I absolutely hate driving.

It's not that I'm nervous, but I do find other road users do tend to behave in some peculiar ways!

Before I even pulled off the drive for my weekly lunch at Mum and Dad's, I nearly set off my car's airbag. There is a nutty Professor lives down my road. He insists on cycling on the footpath.

I stopped just in time.

"Here we go.......nutters abound!" I thought to myself.

I drove to the end of the road.

Just near Sainsbury's, I spotted them..........finger up nose, mind in neutral. (Them, not me!)

Kamikaze Pedestrians!

By now, my legs were beginning to turn to jelly..................

"Concentrate!" I chided myself.

For moments such as this, I keep a few Extra Strong Mints in my car's ashtray.

When I stopped at the traffic lights, I popped a mint in mouth.

At least, I thought it was a mint.

It was in fact.....................

.............a £1 coin!

Just as I realised my mistake, the lights changed to green...........

There was an impatient motorist behind me.

He tooted his horn so loudly, he startled me........

Yep! You guessed it..................

I swallowed the £1 coin!

When I arrived at Family Headquaters, I asked Mum if I could use the 'phone.

I called the Doctor.............

Of course, he was very busy.

He told me the best thing to do was to "let Nature take its course."

How am I now?

Well, despite taking certain measures.................

..........up to now..............

............there's no change!

Ha! Ha! Ha!

The old ones are the BEST!

Don't forget to pop back soon to read a tale about Mumsie and a case of mistaken identity.

Someday my Prints Will Come..................

2011-06-18T09:14:00.010+01:00

One day last week, I was waiting for my photo's to come back from Supasnaps.

I always get VERY excited when I'm waiting for something special to arrive in my post.

Before you start thinking, "This woman really should get out more." Let me tell you more.................

You may remember a while back I told you about Elvis, my postman.

Not the real Elvis, obviously :O)

You see my postie is an Elvis Impersonator in his spare time, so he always delivers the mail with a song.

Anyway, I could hear him coming up the path. This particular day he was singing,

"Get off the Aga, Granny - You're Too Old to Ride the Range."

Suddenly, he stopped singing.

He let out a sigh, and from my side of the door I could hear him mutterring,

"I wish people wouldn't use these stupid low letterboxes. Don't they know I've got a bad back from all that gyrating!"

I opened the front door, and there he was............

Lying prone in me porch.

"For Heaven's sake, Elvis," I said. "What are you doing down there?"

"Well, Missus. It says on the envelope................

*******

I hope my little tale made you smile, but as a postscript (no pun intended!)..............

When I was looking for the drawing above, I typed in "Lying Man" into search google images.

Here is one of the pics that came up...............

"I did not have sex with that woman."

Back soon!

Keeping A-breast of Things.............

2011-06-16T01:12:00.010+01:00

Hello my dear Bloggeroos!

Thank you for your 'welcome back' comments and emails.

You sure are a lovely lot of ladies!

*********

A few weeks ago I received a letter from our local breast screening clinic inviting me to attend my 3-yearly breast scan.

My appointment was for 3.20pm. I am very rarely late, so arrived in plenty of time.

At Reception, I handed the receptionist my letter.

Feeling rather smug with myself for my prompt arrival, and showing off, I stood there breathing on my nails and buffing them on my Marks and Spencer cardy.

Of course, pride goeth before a fall............the smile was soon wiped off my face when the Receptionist handed me back the letter and without looking up from her OK magazine said,

"Your appointment's not 'til tomorrow."

"Flippin' 'eck!" I thought. (Or something similar..........)

Noticing the miserable face I was now wearing, she threw down her mag and sighed......

"Wait there, I'll see if they'll see you today." she said.

She came back and said,

"They'll squeeze you in."

Remembering my previous visit, I had to have a chuckle at her choice of words!

Squeeze me in? Squeeze me in?

For anyone who's never had a mammogram, squeezing you in is EXACTLY what they do!

Now I know how a steak feels pressed between the plates of a George Foreman Grill.

Or, as Mumsie calls hers....................

A George FORMBY grill!

*******

Don't forget to keep up with your Breast Screening ladies.

I do hope you'll pop by again soon!

My Sister is Worth More Than 200 Camels!

2011-06-13T10:15:00.001+01:00

My sister, Mandy really IS worth more than 200 camels!

How do I know this?

Her hubby David told me.

Now read on.................

Well, it all started a few months ago..................

(sound effects of dreamy music over a fuzzy swirling picture.)

It was my sister-in-law Kath's 60th Birthday, and as you know by now, our family throw parties on a regular basis.

Any excuse will do! But on this being such a Grand Occasion, Kath decided on having us all in Fancy Dress.

Mumsie, as always, just didn't take it seriously enough..................

Sister Mandy looked fantastic as a 1960's "Dolly Bird"..............

Where did you get that hat?

There were around 80 of us, so it came as no surprise that some of us chose similar outfits and themes...........

Mandy's hubby was dressed as an Arab.....................

His daughter, Tracey was dressed as Cleopatra.....................

and.................

so was I!

(Do you like my colour coordinated eyeshadow?)

At some point in the evening, someone took a photo of David, Tracey and me.

This gave David the idea for their next family holiday...................

Egypt, Land of the Pharaohs.

They got back a couple of weeks ago, and they all had a lovely time!

I asked him if anyone offered him to swap Mandy for any camels. (I'd heard that Egyptian men love blondes.)

He said he was offered 200 camels, but he declined their kind offer.

"Aaah - that's true love, that is." I said.

"Don't be daft!" said David. "What would I do with 200 camels? I don't smoke and you only smoke hand rolled ciggies."

Luckily, Mandy was out of earshot when he said this!

Thank you all soooo much for your kind words re my recent return to blogland.

Don't forget to pop back soon!

Desperately Seeking Susan?............................

2011-06-10T10:11:00.015+01:00

Wonder where I've been?................

Long story......(isn't it always if I'm telling it?)

The last time we were "here", you'll remember that I was planning a visit to stay with my niece, Emily in Wiltshire who was expecting her second baby.

The family stategy was that I went down just before the baby was due, in case he came early.

I was relieved the next week by Laura, Em's sister.

Laura took her own little boy, Toby as a playmate for Em's little boy............

"Sleep where you like, but this cat's mine, geddit?"

My sister Mandy went down as the third contingent.

Jenson Alexander, with a wonderful flair for timing, arrived on Good Friday 22nd April whilst Mandy was there!

All is well and Harley is chuffed to bits with his new baby brother.

Here's a more recent pic................

************

Meanwhile, regarding my own brood..................

Number One son, Ali has a new job teaching Photography at a local College. (I don't care how clever he gets............I refuse to call him "Sir"!)

Ali has built his little girls a beautiful playhouse in their garden. Rosa's becoming as pretty as her big sister................

Evie and Rosa love the play house, and I've heard a family rumour that when they're in bed, their Mummy hides in there to avoid the ironing!

***********

Number Two son, Phil is keeping busy and has recently gone into a new business partnership.

He lives in Darlington and I had a lovely time last week when I went to stay with him and Claire for half term.

Granddaughter Hollie loves Primary School, and has become more confident in herself. She loves being a big sister! Jayden is walking now, and Hollie enjoys playing with him.

Oh Jay - you're SUCH a poser!

Jayden adores her! He's a lovely little lad, always smiling and flirting with the ladies!

***********

Other news.......................

Thank you so much for your emails asking where I was.

I'm sorry to have dropped off the planet, blogwise.

I have had some physiotherapy on my back, which has greatly improved. Because I am sleeping better, this has also improved my fibromyalgia symptoms, so I have been catching up on some much-needed domestic jobs.

So.............my oven is clean, my ironing basket is empty, and my mending pile has now vanished.

Emotionally speaking...........life without my late partner Liam is becoming easier. I still miss him terribly, but I try to stay positive.

***********

Daddio continues to improve following his minor stroke. He has resumed his Friday Boys' Night at his social club.

Mumsie is well, though a bit worn out from keeping her eye on him.

But..........she's still as daft as ever..........

ME: Mum, why do you wash out tin cans and milk containers and wrap stuff before you put them in the bin? You have the cleanest, tidiest rubbish I've ever seen!

MUMSIE: I don't know, really. You Dad says I've got JCB.

ME: JCB?!!! Don't you mean OCD?

MUMSIE: (in her attempt at an American accent.) What- evverrrr!

But even funnier.............

The consultant who is treating Dad for his stroke wants to check up on things.........

With this in mind, according to Mumsie....................

Dad's got to have an MFI scan, apparently!

***********

I'm off to read your blogs now!

More Celebrity Lookalikes.....................

2011-03-25T14:38:00.015Z

Hello my dear Bloggeroos!

Did you wonder where I've been?

I've just been taking a bit of a break from t'internet for a while, that's all...............

Quite a bit's happened since my last posting..................

Daddio continues to improve following his minor stroke, and all is well with the world.

As you probably know, our family loves nothing more than an excuse to all get together and have a family party.

A few weeks ago, my niece Emily, her hubby Scott, and her little boy, Harley were on a visit to Lincoln.

This happened to coincide with Harley's 2nd Birthday.

Em and Harley

It tends to be a bit of a squeeze at HQ (a.k.a. Mum & Dad's), so we decided to do a Party for him at my house.

We all had a lovely afternoon!

The kids had a whale of a time. There was loads of trifle left, so of course, when everyone went home - I HAD to eat it :O)

Anyway.........more celebrity lookalikes from my family...........

My ex-hubby?

or..................

Scott Bakula?

***********

My niece, Laura..................

or........................

Amanda Burton?

***********

My other niece, Tracey.................

or..........................

Brenda Vaccaro?

*************

Do you remember a while ago, I told you about a Daily Mail photographer who mistook me for Lynda Bellingham?

(Cheek! She's 10 years older than me!)

I couldn't see why, 'til I saw this pic of Lynda............

(obviously not one of her BETTER days...)

and compared it to this one of me............

My mate joked that the photographer thought I was her because he heard someone say that I was one of those.......................

***********

I've already posted about my youngest son's resemblance to Luke Perry, but I was a bit stuck for a lookalike for my eldest lad, Alistair. He has extremely blond hair, and wears specs...........

..........but then I remembered that when he was seven, he auditioned for...............

The Milky Bar Kid!

***********

One final pic I wanted to share with you, Mum and Dad at their recent 60th Wedding Anniversary.............

Aaaaaaahh.........True Love!

I may be a bit hit and miss with my appearances over the next few weeks. My niece Emily is expecting another baby any day now, so I'm going to stay for a week to help with Harley.

Enjoy the lovely Spring weather!

Worse Things Happen at Sea..............

2011-02-27T19:00:00.022Z

Hello, my dear Bloggeroos!

As promised, here is my tale of the water leak in my kitchen.

(Oh! How exciting!)

So, there I was, doing last minute checks before going on one of my much anticipated visits to see my son Phil, his missus Claire and my grandchildren, Hollie and Jayden.

So, my packing was done.

Windows checked.

Boiler turned off.

I went into the kitchen to empty the rubbish bin.

It was then I noticed a small puddle on the floor. I took a closer look.

It looked like there was a tiny drip from the middle of my water meter under the worktop.

"Well, flippin' 'eck!" I said to myself. (or something like that.)

It was the tiniest of drips, and I didn't want to miss my train.

I went upstairs and found the largest bath sheet I own, and dropped it on the floor beneath the drip.

"That'll do it."

How wrong could I be?

On my return a few days later, the leak had got worse.........

Well....no.......it wasn't quite that bad! But the carpet tiles were defying gravity and bobbed along on half an inch of water!

I rang the Water Company. Leaks on or before the meter are their responsibility.

Leaks after the meter are mine.

They promised to come within the next few hours.

I fetched a mop and bucket and relevant equipment.

After clearing up most of the water, I noticed that the leak was dripping from a joint to the side of the meter. (i.e. a joint that was my responsibility.)

My youngest son is plumber, but he lives 200 miles away!

I thought that I'd have a go at fixing it, and then ring the Water Company and cancel their visit.

I went to get my grips.................

Not KIRBY grips, a pair of these.....................

I put the grips on the joint and tried to turn it. Now, it's a well known fact that I'm a bit weak in the wrist. (I'm also a bit weak in the head too, but you knew that, right?)

Oh no, I couldn't turn it...........I'm gonna have to call a plumber.........that's gonna cost me money, ouch!

At that very moment, there was a knock at the door. The man from the Water Company had already arrived.

Some of you know that I have a few health problems.

Sometimes I need to use a walking stick.

I always try to remain positive and live as normal a life as I possibly can.

Normally, I would never use my illness as an excuse for not doing something I'm capable of, or to

use it to my advantage.

Until now.............

In a flash of inspiration, before opening the front door, I grabbed my stick.

I let the Water Man in and walked slowly, using my stick, through to the kitchen with him following me.

"I was just about to ring you," I said. "I'm not sure it is at that meter now I've cleaned up most of the water."

"Don't worry, Missus. I think I can see the problem." he said.

I used to be a bit of an actor.

I conjured up the best "sad old woman face" I could muster...........

"You'll have to bill me for this, right?" I asked with a quiver in my voice..........

"Don't worry, love," he said.

"It only took a couple of minutes. I won't charge you. The office don't know where the leak was." said the Water Man.

I can't believe I did that!

Still to come................................

More Celebrity lookalikes in my family.............

.............and here's a couple of sneak preview photo's from Mumsie and Daddio's 60th Wedding Anniversary Party.

Mum encouraging Auntie Moo to get with the beat!

Mum and Dad really enjoying themselves!

I'll be back soon..........

Take Care!

Frank Sinatra or Celebrity Lookalike????

2011-02-24T00:27:00.017Z

Hello my dear Bloggeroos!

Well.......it's been chaos here at Dollytub Cottage over the last coupla weeks.

I had a wonderful time at our local Tax Office a few weeks ago............

No, really, don't laugh..............

It turns out - they owe ME some money.........

Yay!

Then I went up to stay with my youngest son and his family for a while............

I came back to a water leak in my kitchen, more about that in my next post.

So, Daddio continues to improve, and thanks you all for the good wishes.

I now have the photo's of Mum and Dad's 60th Wedding Anniversary Party, but there are loads, so you'll have to give me a bit of time to find some you might like.

Luckily for us, we have some very useful family members, and my eldest son, Alistair is a fantastic photographer. (He teaches it, in fact!)

Sorting through some pics on my computer, I began to realise that we seem to have more than our fair share of Celebrity Lookalikes in our family!

The pic at the top of my post is of my grandson, Jayden.

You've got to admit, he makes a great Frank Sinatra.....

**********

Here's a pic of my youngest son, Phil..............

or is it ....................

Luke Perry?

*************

My sister, Mandy...............

or is it....................

Joan Sims?

**************

Mandy's hubby, David.................

Could be mistaken for............

Victor Meldrew! (Although "I don't believe it" myself.)

*************

Here's brother Les.............

Not only is there a strong resemblance, but he is nearly as funny as..............

Barry Cryer, the comedy scriptwriter.

***********

My eldest grandaughter, Hollie...................

She would love to sing and dance like.......................

Shirley Temple!

**************

I've got a couple more lookalikes for you in my next post.

But, in the meantime.............I must check my kitchen floor to see if it's dried enough to put the flooring down.

Take care!

Ooooh! Celebrity Gossip..........

2011-02-07T12:32:00.014Z

Where have I been?

You may well ask..............

But first.............

Thank you so much my dear Bloggeroos for your kind get well messages for my dear Daddio following his minor stroke.

He now thinks he's a celebrity!

First......he gets a full colour pic of himself in our local paper. (Giving a donation to the British Heart Foundation - the money was raised at Mum and Dad's 60th wedding anniversary.)

And now..........he's been told about the comments left for him on my blog.

DAD: Wow! What you mean the worldwide web really IS worldwide?

ME: Yes, Daddio.

DAD: So, there are people all over the world know about me?

ME: Yes, Daddio.

He now imagines that he'll be invited to take part in...............

Celebrity Big Brother.....................

or.........

I'm a Celebrity Get me Out of Here!

or, at the very least.................

Strictly Come Dancing................

Admittedly, he's a real whizz on the dancefloor............

Mum and Dad...................Dad with his "Girlfriend" Janet.

And.........as he has mentioned to us all on numerous occasions,

he's 8 months younger than Bruce Forsyth!

(He looks like Brucie too, without his specs!)

Daddio continues to make improvement.

He is flirting with the District Nurse and the Physio Lady, who see him at home.

The Physio Lady wanted to see how he managed outside and walked with him the 500 yards to the local shop.

He was so pleased to be seen by all in the neighbourhood walking along the main road with a young woman on his arm!

Mumsie was pleased with the twenty minutes peace!

************

My postings will be a bit hit and miss for a while.

I'm in the process of sorting out an income tax return............groan.

I'm also visiting my youngest son and his family.

My granddaughter is 5, so I'll be partying up there, too!

And, speaking of family..........

My other son managed to snap this piccy when everyone was in Lincoln for Mum and Dad's Party last month.

Four of their six great grandchildren!

(The first three are my grandkids, the fourth is my great nephew.)

************

Right, then...........

Back to the paperwork.........

See you all soooon!

Daddy's Home!...................

2011-01-26T11:48:00.001Z

Hello my dear Bloggeroos!

Thank you so much for your get well wishes for my dear old Daddio, following his minor stroke.

The doctors were well pleased with his progress, and passed him fit to return home yesterday.

He is now managing to walk without his stick. Apart from a bit of numbness in his leg, there seems to be barely any after effects.

I've mentioned before that Mumsie has had a few operations, so luckily they already have a stairlift and a bath seat.

We are all so pleased to have him home again.

Mumsie did make me laugh on Monday...........................

ME: Is Dad having another brain scan?

MUMSIE: He's already had one.

ME: And?............

MUMSIE: Oh they didn't find anything.

I swear she gets dafter every day!

Hopefully normal service will resume as soon as possible.

Three Wheels on my Wagon...............

2011-01-22T02:55:00.007Z

Where have I been?...............

You may well ask!

I've not really been anywhere much, as it happens.

Mainly between Car Dealerships and the Hospital. (More on the Hospital bit further down the page.)

Anyone who, like me, is on limited income and drives around in an old banger will know the fear and trepidation and that 'knot in the stomach' feeling that strikes us when we see in our diary.............

M.O.T. due on car.

The M.O.T. tester had said that he didn't think it would go through this year.

My friendly mechanic Brum, said it wouldn't go through this year.

The bangs, rattles and scraping noises told me it wouldn't go through this year.

But, as usual, my optimistic, positive attitude got the better of me.

"Oh well, chuck it and chance it. Yer never know."

I should have known better.

On my way to the mechanic, I switched on the radio.........................

First song playing was..............

"(I was lost in a) Fool's Paradise"

So I gulped and shivered.

Even though I was alone in the car, I gave that silly little nervous laugh we give when feeling foolish.

The next song on the radio was.................

"Three Wheels on my Wagon."

I groaned at the thought, remembering that lovely day last Summer..............

............when the weather was warm and sunny. I'd had a lovely lunch with my family.

I'd been driving home. I turned the steering wheel, it turned...............

Unfortunately, one of the wheels didn't!

Brum my mechanic tenderly replaced the thingummy jig on the whatsname, and I was mobile again.

So whizz forward six months to last week................

Driving the car to be tested, I felt as though I was taking a beloved pet to be put to sleep.

The car had belonged to my late partner, Liam.

Apart from his guitar, it was the only thing that I had of his.

It was a 1994 red Nissan Primera 1.6. Following Liam's death, I sold my own car, also a Primera, as his car was the better of the two.

So, now both cars have now gone to the great scrapyard in the sky.

Maybe it's a good thing. Just one more milestone telling me to keep moving forward.

(sniff, sniff)

Now to find another one......................

I could have probably managed with a smaller car. But, I do like running Mumsie and Daddio around. It's more practical to have plenty of room............Mum has a bit of difficulty as she's had trouble with her joints and has had loads of operations............

I also have to take into account that I need to have a car with a very adjustable driver's seat to accommodate my gammy legs and a dicky back............

Hey, I've just had an idea, maybe I should have got .................

an Ambulance!

On second thoughts, there'd be nowhere to sit my nodding dog!

Oh YES!

As luck would have it, after much searching, I found the perfect car......................

Yet another Nissan Primera.......................

Do you like it?

It's a bigger engine and it's the Sports version.

It's really nippy. Mumsie's had a couple of rides in it......................

she says the g-force made her face feel like this......................

Ha!Ha!Ha! Mumsie, you're priceless!

***************

On a more serious note...............

Daddio had a mild stroke on Thursday morning and was taken to hospital.

He is doing really well. The main problem was that he had problems with his left leg.

He is using a stick, but he has already recovered most of the feeling in it now.

Luckily Mum acted quickly.

The stroke has not affected his speech or thought processes.

He is in good spirits, and is flirting with all the nurses!

He is taking part in a drugs trial, and it certainly seems very effective.

We are hoping that he will be discharged on Wednesday.

Hopefully, I will be back here blogging soon with some photo's of Mum and dad's 60th Wedding Anniversary Party!

And a Good Time Was Had by All, plus Auntie Moo Strikes Again!

2011-01-11T16:30:00.001Z

Many, many, many thanks for your lovely comments for my Mum and Dad's 60th Wedding Anniversary.

The party was great fun!

About 8 years ago, Daddio had to have a Triple Bypass Surgery. Instead of presents our family requested donations to the British Heart Foundation.

We raised almost £500!

The BHF contacted our local newspaper, The Lincolnshire Echo, and they called round this morning to take some photo's of my parents.

The photo will hopefully be in tomorrow's paper.

Long term followers of my blog may remember that we also did this for Daddio's 80th Birthday party a couple of years ago, when we raised almost £700!..............

Dad's pic in Lincs Echo 2008

My eldest son, Alistair teaches Photography. Mumsie designated him "Official Photographer".

Ali took dozens of pics, but he has yet to edit and crop, so watch this space!

He even got some great shots of Mumsie and my Auntie Moo messing about.

************

Speaking of Auntie Moo.............

I was chatting to her and Mum at the party, and asked them to remind me of any funny incidents regarding the pair of them.

Here we go..................

In the 1960's one of the first shops to become a self service supermarket was Lipton's.

(Better known nowadays for their speciality teas.)

Not long after the one in Lincoln opened, Mum, Auntie Moo and I went in to do some food shopping for Christmas.

We had never seen anything like it!

Foods piled high, new exotic food and drinks begging to be tasted.

There were ladies on almost every aisle offering free taste samples to shoppers.

Among the foods we sampled, never having tried them before were.............

Edam cheese, although Auntie Moo thought the red bit was awfully chewy!

(I am rolling my eyes here!)

Mum tried and bought some Ski yogurt. Although she didn't allow us to eat a whole pot in one go, convinced that it was 'too rich' and would make us sick!

Mum was keeping a close eye on Moo. She had a rather hefty bag slung over one shoulder and Mum could see that this was an accident waiting to happen.

After they'd bought their food, they decided to look around the alcoholic drinks.

This was unusual as Mumsie's family were Salvation Army and neither of them drank alcohol.

There was a very nice lady offering glasses of......................

Mum took a small sip.....................

Moo gulped a glassful.

Moo then realised that she'd forgotten to buy some bacon,

so we walked back into the Food Hall.

At the end of one of the aisles there was a huge display of eggs.

Aunty Moo popped the bacon into her bag,

and proceeded to fling it over her shoulder, like Santa with his sack.

We heard a crash..........we put our hands over our eyes............

Me and Mum hardly dare look.................

We peeped through our fingers..................

The eggs were all over the floor!........................

Well we must have had our Guardian Angel with us that day, because...............

Not one egg was broken!

We were asked to leave the shop though..............

************