Sunday, November 28, 2010

It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas..............




I'm not sure if I'm quite ready for Christmas.
The thought of spending all that money brings me out in a cold sweat.

I'm what you might call frugal.
(For 'frugal' read 'tightwad'!)


You'll be pleased to know that my chair has now been removed from my neighbours roof!


***********


As I said, the people round here can be a bit of a weird bunch, to say the least!

But, every year, they spare no expense when it comes to decorating the outside of their homes ready for Christmas.

One of my neighbours stopped me the other day.






(This lady was at the same school as the late Mr Dollytub. He always referred to her as "Mrs Pilbury", can't think why!)




(She was very popular with many of the lads at school, apparently.)


"I've not seen you for ages," she said, munching her way through a huge packet of marshmallows.







"D'ya wommt womm?" she said, offering the bag.

"No thanks. I'm gonna have me tea soon." I said.

I reeeeaaalllly don't like talking to this woman.

For those who know me personally - this is the neighbour who coincidently had a huge Christmas tree in her porch last year. This was around the same time that "someone" jumped into my garden and chopped down one of my fir trees.




"What were you doin' the other day over the road?" she asked.

(Oh damn! It would have to be HER who had seen me!)

Without giving me chance to answer, she said,

"I thought you were 'elping with their exterior Christmas decorations."

"You don't decorate the outside of your place do you?" she asked accusingly.

I heaved a big sigh, "Look, I really don't have time to gossip. Anyway, even if I could physically climb about up there, I wouldn't join in."





"Why's that then?" she probed.

I knew she wouldn't go without further information. I told her,

"Because you're all like a bunch of little boys in a peeing contest. Each trying to outdo the other!"

(Although I don't think I said 'peeing', ooops!)

I thought the remark went completely over her head.

She looked at her watch, quickly said "Cheers, must go!", and ran into her house.

Later that night, as I drove back from Sainsbury's down the avenue, I realised the contest had already started.

Outside "Mrs Pilbury's" house, I saw...................






I don't think ANYONE will top that!

***********

I've just been looking on AMAZON for a recipe book for my sister's present.

I'm not sure about this one, though.........................





Euuurrrggghhhh!


Don't forget to pop back, will you?

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Love Thy Neighbour..............................



Do you love thy neighbour?

I try to, really I do.................

I went to Sunday School at the Salvation Army....

The high school I went to had a daily Church of England service, and a service at Lincoln Cathedral three times a year.................





Oh!..........and not forgetting that , having long fair hair, I was an Angel three times in the Nativity Plays at Primary School................("Fear not! I bring tidings of great joy!")



"Yes, Lord - it's ME again! Shall I cut my hair?"

But sometimes, just sometimes....................it's not that easy is it?

The neighbours round here, f'rinstance................

They're a bit strange sometimes, although this isn't really surprising................

I've definitely lived in better places.





I blame the kids, mainly................


There sooooooo unruly.................




They hunt in packs................



They chase all the dogs!................






.................and when the kids catch them - they BITE the poor old mutts!



Fortunately, the three local "Bobbies" usually keep them in order............





But, even so.............there is, very often, outbreaks of vandalism and petty thieving.
(As well as the dog-biting!)

Yesterday afternoon, when I got back from my parents' house (A.K.A. Headquarters).

I'd no sooner parked up on the drive, when the woman from over the road shouted,

"Aye up, Duck! Can I borrow your step ladder?"

(To those who know me personally - yes! this is the same woman who treats my pantry like a corner shop and has borrowed all of my Bisto, asked for 'a dab of marge' and took 500gms of Lupak best butter, and when I joked that she should help herself to my Aunt Bessie's actually took them! So, yes - it's her!)





Her seven year old was up on the flat roof over her bay window.






Apparently, on Friday night, the local oikes had stolen the lead of the roof.

Her little boy was up there, trying to weather-proof it with a tarpaulin.

He had scrambled up there and his Mum was trying to pass him up some bricks to weigh the tarpaulin down.

She couldn't reach him - hence the request of the step ladder.

"Yeah, no problem," I shouted, "Can you give me a hand? They're old and quite heavy."

Before I'd even got the key in the door, she arrived at the side of me, quicker than a rat up a drainpipe!

I could see she was eyeing up the cake in my shopping basket, so I gave her a
"Don't even think about it" stare.




We took the ladder over to her house, and passed the bricks up to her lad.....................


He laid them on the tarpaulin - job done!

"YAY!" (high fives all round.)




Our elation was short lived, however............


We realised that the little lad was now stuck.

It had been easy enough to climb up there, but it was too big a drop, even to the step ladder.

Now, sometimes.........................I live under the delusion that I'm clever.






But, this really is ONLY a delusion and I DO take tablets for it.

I had the wonderful(?) idea to fetch my old dining chair..............

I came back with the chair and passed it up to the little lad...............

I then instructed his Mum to go inside the house and help him climb through the front bedroom window.


Ta Derrrr!


I collapsed the step ladder and took it back to my house.

I really felt like I'd done my good deed for the day.

The neighbour was in her house with her little boy.........................

all was right with the world.........................

until I looked across to her house and I noticed the flaw in my plan.............................



oooops!


God only knows how I'll retrieve it - it's too near the wall for me to reach it, even from the step ladder.

Sometimes, I'm my own worst enemy..............................




I'm dying my hair later........................

erm.................Blonde, I think!

Don't forget to pop back, will you?


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Wooo Hoooooo! I've Got an Award.............



As promised the other day, details of the award I've been given from Mrs O at Chickens in my Kitchen.

I have to pass the award to THREE bloggers and give a list of THREE things that I think make me special.



Here's the Award



I would like to award it to..........................

Karen at Tillyrose

Taz at Ratbag



Here are THREE things that make me special..................



NUMBER ONE...........

I can count on one hand how many times I have REALLY lost my temper.................



**********

NUMBER TWO.................


When I watch telly in bed, I sit in the half lotus position.

Weird, I know. But I find it soooo comfy!






***********


NUMBER THREE...............


I can whistle REALLY loudly, just like the builders do..............





***************


Speaking of builders..................

Do you remember those lovely lads who came round to convert my spare room into my Inventor's Laboratory?


"Cowboys R Us"

Well, they were having trouble with their van breaking down, and asked me to help them with some alternative transport.




They were over the moon when they saw it!

It's also more economical.

It's also more environmentally friendly - Better for their Carbon Footprint.

(or their "Carbon Finger Marks" as Mumsie calls it!)





(Isn't Mumsie priceless?)

Next time, I have some more of my inventions to show you.

So don't forget to pop back, will you?

Monday, November 15, 2010

Tell Me - Have I Fallen of the Wagon?.................



Hello, my dear Bloggeroos!

I need you to settle an argument...............

Do you remember when I wrote a post about my addiction to Coco Pops? click here.

Well, the other day BFF Carol came round and went crazy at me. I don't know why.




I wasn't eating Coco Pops.







What I was eating was a bowl of.............................



In my opinion - I have NOT fallen off the wagon!

And anyway..............

These aren't Coco Pops.

They were on special offer.

I only bought FIVE boxes.

Besides..............

I eat them standing up.

Any serial (or should I say cereal?) dieter knows that means these calories don't count!

But, Carol was so insistent to "save me from myself" that she put this on me before she left............



She's a daft woman...................

She didn't realise that the Choco Flakes fit through the slits! HA!

And if I really can't wait for the flakes to soften up, there's always my trusty..........................



So my dear Bloggeroos -

Which one of us is right?

Have I fallen off the wagon?